One of the first real blogs I ever read was a running commentary on what it was like to do the Master Cleanse.
Horrifying, I would say. Words like “explosive diarrhea” and “want to stab the postman in the eye” and “if I don’t eat something soon, I will literally gouge my stomach out with a melon baller” were used liberally throughout the real-time updates.
Fascinating, I thought. I must do this some time. Because what is life without suffering?
In all honesty, I have been saying – FOR YEARS – that I’m going to detox. “This year, for two weeks, I’m going to detox. Starting next month.” And then I put it off longer, because I like not wanting to kill the postman. Also because I plan on getting rid of my melon baller first.
This time it’s different.
This time I have you guys.
If I say I’m going to detox, I’m going to detox. That’s it. The words are spoken and must be obeyed. Next month (no really, I mean it) or maybe January. Either way, it’s happening – and I want to keep a live blog going while I’m losing my mind (or becoming horrifically sane, for once in my life).
So help me prepare for this monumental task. This great, big, giant mountain I’ve built out of an emotional molehill.
The Community Question today is:
Have You Ever Detoxed? If So … Help!
Even though this detox/fast thing has been in the back of my mind for at least a decade, I was recently motivated and inspired by the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. This Australian guy travels across the United States for 90 days doing nothing but drinking fresh fruit and veggie juice.
In the end, he’s all vibrant and healthy, and I want that, you know? I want vibrant and healthy and juice-infused joy.
But, alas, I cannot afford to do the Reboot juice fast, based on the fact that a juicer costs money, and the 80 tons of organic fruits and veggies that are involved in a 10-day fast, alone, cost more than my entire yearly earnings and current net worth. (It’s not a joke. Don’t laugh.)
So that’s the story behind the kind of detox I’d like to do, but probably won’t.
With that in mind:
- If you’ve ever detoxed/fasted, how did you do it? Is it something you’d recommend? What was your personal experience like?
- What kind of tips can you give a newbie who’s never detoxed before?
- Are there any special tricks to keep from writhing in pain in your bed for the first three days?
Last question (informal): When I decide to do my detox/fast, does anyone else want to do it with?
Obeying the Postman’s New Restraining Order