Change. The rest is cake

You buy a new pair of running shoes.

This is it, you think. This will change everything. These shoes, they’re my motivation. They’re my change.

And you use them, right? Once or twice. And then they become the newest lint collector in your closet.

And then you break up with your boyfriend.

This is it, you think. I’m going to meet a new guy, and he’s going to be perfect for me, and we’re going to live happily ever after. I won’t ever be unhappy again!

Six months later, you’re throwing shoes at the new, perfect guy, angry because he’s treating you the exact same way the last one did.

Then you start meditating.

This is it, you think. I’m going to find nirvana. I’m going to raise my consciousness. I’m going to change my life.

And you have a moment. You feel the infinity. You embrace the universe within and without.

But your life doesn’t change.

Not really.

Not in the way you thought. It never does.

–

We’re in the middle of moving right now, and it’s stressful and tiring and exhausting and exciting and fun and … change.

I found myself doing that thing, though, tonight, where I thought everything would change if I just started keeping house a little different. If maybe I smudged the place with sage and then kept healing essential oils always on the diffuser. If I feng shui’ed the crap out of my wealth bagua.

How many times has that happened? For me, it’s got to be about ten-thousand. Especially when I move.

(Which I’ve done 10 times in the last 15 years.)

Every new home means an opportunity for some grand realization, some new way of living, some exciting new facet of life. Only that’s never been true. The places have never been the catalyst to change.

Later, Skip came home and I looked at the terrible, horrible, messy box-filled apartment that’s forcing us to bang shins on tables and kick books. He kissed me and started cooking dinner in the tiny boxless voids on the kitchen counter, and this place – this tornado of a situation – looked more beautiful and perfect than I could have ever imagined. Just as it is.

This place won’t change my life. I will be in new ways. It will just so happen to be in this place.

No matter how much you want to change, no matter how different you think your life would be if you just did this one thing, it never works unless you change it in your heart … unless you embrace the change within and be the thing you want.

It’s not up to your running shoes. It’s not up to your boyfriend. It’s not up to the universe.

It’s not up to your wealth bagua.

The change can only be alive in one place that makes a difference.

Inside.

Inside first.

When you’ve become your change, the rest is cake.