The human race has done some pretty crappy things to nature. And when we talk about things like toxic waste in the water supply, or fracking violently into the crust like rabid, monstrous groundhogs, or puncturing veins of the earth for its oil and allowing it to spew forth into pristine ocean water, it’s often with the idea that nature is benign and unable to fight back.
Once a year, I am reminded that this is not true. Mother nature is one sneaky, sly, avenging mama.
You might think I’m talking about natural disasters like earthquakes, volcanoes, or even hurricanes. I am not. Those things, pshaw. They are child’s play compared to the terrible chastisement nature rains down on many of our heads this time of year.
Mother Nature’s great revenge is fall allergies.
For those of you who don’t suffer from this zombie-state-inducing, bodily-fluid-leaking, eye-demolishing ailment, let me just say: You will get yours.
Probably in the form of a super hurricane that triggers an earthquake that opens a volcano directly over your bathroom while you’re brushing your teeth, causing you to jam a bristle into your gum and say, “ow.”
That’s just a one-time thing, though. You guys get off easy.
For weeks out of every year, I’m reduced to a sniffling, half-blind, snot-producing, jelly-like being who walks around in a mental fog so thick I can stand a spoon in it. I say words like, “Plea-hee-hee-hoo-hee-oh-no-shoot-PLAHHHHHHHHH” and then begin licking the couch because my brain has told me it’s an ice cream cone.
But why? Why do our bodies join up with these evil forces of nature and demolish our ability to function at levels higher than that of a mentally challenged sea slug?
I have looked extensively into this matter and the answer is, unequivocally:
Mother nature hates our guts.
Sure, there are these hypotheses that say pollen and mold spores triggers a biologically complex immune response that leads the body to engage its defense mechanisms in the form of expelling and rejecting foreign matter through mucosal membrane excretions.
Some people will tell you that it’s nothing personal. Fall allergies are just a natural, emotionless inconvenience that we can either deal with by razing Peruvian Kleenex forests or taking enough Benadryl to sedate a freakishly large elephant.
But it’s my duty to spread the word that fall allergies are, in fact, a master plan hatched by the earth in retaliation for all of our thoughtless pollution and crimes against nature.
So please stop doing that.
Polluting and nature-criming and stuff. You may not have to pay for it, but I do.
Let’s make amends with Mother Nature to end the atrocity.
We’ll hold a summit next summer and offer a peace treaty. “Here, Mother Nature, in return for no more fall allergies, we will all agree to stop throwing empty bottles of Arizona iced tea out of our windows. If that is not enough for you, we’ll also admit that Vibram Four Finger shoes are hideous and we will stop wearing them.”
And then Mother Nature will wrap us in a warm, loving embrace and take away all our fall pains, leaving us only with the unwavering fear that any moment the sun will fry us all with a super crispy death flare. (And what did we ever do to the sun? The jerk.)
Anyway, I’m just putting it out there.
I’d love to make it through an entire fall season without walking into walls because my eyes are swollen shut or spraying God-knows-what on everyone around me with a sneeze so sudden and violent it turns my face inside out.
I also don’t enjoy licking the couch. It tastes like my cat. I know this, because I have licked my cat before. Not my proudest moment.
Let’s take a stand against fall allergies. Let’s have some seriously healing conversations with Mother Nature.
You guys start, and I’ll join you in a minute. First, I have to blow my nose. It might take a while.
Like, until October.
My couch is going to be so clean when this is over.
The Oil Magic Trick That Hides Number Two
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I’m very surprised that nobody has mentioned sinus irrigation. I do not have allergies but have been prone to sinusitis my entire life. The neti pot has been a literal God-send for me. When I feel the symptoms coming on, I start treating two or three times daily and I can breathe as though I have taken powerful snot-clearing drugs, without taking anything at all, natural or otherwise. I haven’t been to the doctor or taken over the counter medicine for sinus congestion for several years. 🙂
I was told the other day that two drops each of lemon, lavender and peppermint essential oils in a gel cap 2x day really help allergies. Definitely trying in the spring as we have 6 cottonwood trees in our yard. Guess what I am highly allergic to–and no A/C to filter it out.
I’ve heard that you can do your own “immunotherapy” by purchasing locally grown honey that hasn’t had the pollen filtered out or cooked by pasteurizing. In locally grown honey there will be lots of local pollen and by taking a little each day, you gradually “immunize” yourself to the pollen. I looked into it quite a bit and I’m willing to give it a try so that I don’t sneeze my brains out next fall. I teaspoon of honey a day doesn’t seem too hard to handle. I’d love to have a bunch of us try it and see if it works for next year!
It worked for me. . . start taking 2 nettle capsules (Mt. Rose herbs) August 1. Also, super great results with the Paleo diet. I remember trying to give up gluten about 13 years ago to combat allergies with no success, but it easy now, and so worth it!
start taking quercetin a month or two before allergy season, so you build up enough in your system (it minimizes the histamine response, apparently).
I’m excited by the whole bloomin’ basket. But the foot soak is especially appealing, because that means I get to sit down. Yea! I mean there really is no excuse not to relax:)
I discovered that, while I am allergy free in my native mid-Atlantic region, I get spring allergies in the South. I got some relief by ingesting raw wildflower honey. Somehow it exposes your body to the allergens enough to aclimate you to them so that it eases your immune response to the ones outside. I think, anyway. All I know is I tried it in GA in the spring when we had record-breaking pollen counts, and it helped me feel like I hadn’t been hit by a truck. I’ve also heard drinking raw milk regularly can help people with allergies not suffer from them anymore, but I haven’t tried it.
I have allergies too, everyone here does as we live in the worst place on Earth for them (the heavily agricultural treeless Mississippi River Delta). But the most important thing I learned is I’m not the only who has licked my cat! I mean she licks me all the time, I thought maybe i should return the favor. She looked at me like i was crazy. Maybe she’s right. #teamnopooandlovingit
I used to suffer from allergies during all of fall, winter and spring as a child. I guess I grew out of them, because for the past several years (knock on wood) I haven’t had much of a problem. But I so know where you are coming from, I used to be the same exact way.
Vibram five fingers may look terrible, but they are so, so, so comfortable. I wear mine all the time and my calf muscles have toned up so much. Not to mention, it’s like walking around barefoot all the time. I love my pair and want another.
Man I wish my allergies were limited to just a particular season during the year! Always know your situation could be worse!
I heard a story on NPR about a guy who cured his allergies with hookworm. Fascinating.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/404/enemy-camp-2010?act=3#play
For me it’s spring allergies. You know those little yellow buds that fall off the trees and cover your windshield like snow? That, and roses: I can barely stand to go to a wedding, and I hate Valentine’s day. I never had these problems as a child, and it gets worse every year. And I can’t take anything because it it all makes me feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. Is anyone else old enough to remember that margarine commercial, “Mother Nature Know?.” We’ve done this to ourselves. I’m so sorry, Mother Nature, can you possibly forgive us?
Accupuncture and nettles do me wonders. I also keep a variety of natural montholatums around china oel, thai oil, olbas oil ect…
Actually there are other ways that we can help appease mother nature. If you were a mum would you be happy about someone eating your kids? If we stop eating the other animals on the planet, maybe mother nature would like us a bit better and think we deserved a rest from pain and suffering for a while …
You might want to try Easy Breather from Herbalogic.
Acupuncture! Yes! I second that. I used to have such bad allergies that I would get a sinus infection every single year in January. Since I started acupuncture, I have barely a sniffle. Except when I kiss my cat. 🙂
Last spring my husband and I got two hives of bees to put in our small orchard of fruit trees in the back yard. This spring when my allergies started acting up he retrieved a frame of honey for me. I ate about a cup of honey each day for three days and chewed on the wax all day long. Each day was better and by day three I had no symptoms and haven’t again. I hope you can find some local (within a mile or two) honey and that will help!
I am intrigued by this! I have heard of eating a spoonful of local honey a day to ward off allergies but if I am reading your comment correctly you ate a CUP a day for three days and you got long lasting results? I don’t get allergies myself (don’t hate me) but I have many friends who would be interested in this…
I’m very confused this year, because I have had next to NO allergies. Last year I had enough slime coming out of my nose to put a snail to shame (you are most welcome for that image). I tried a lot of natural things last year–local honey, essential oils, water with lime juice–but they appeared to be pointless (but by that point not even over the counter medication was working). Looking back I’m HOPING that they might have actually worked, they just needed time.
I hope I didn’t just curse myself.
A few years ago I switched to a vegan, mostly raw, and gluten free diet (for a number of reasons). One of the benefits that surprised me was the near absence of my lifelong allergies. I used to need medication year-round for pollen, mold, etc. Now maybe once or twice a year I have a day that I feel I need a Zyrtec. That alone is worth the effort it takes to eat the way that makes me feel best.
For allergies I love my Allergy Release essential oil spray. The company is only in my province in Canada, but it is just the essential oils of lavender, lemon, geranium, myrrh, peppermint, and roman chamomile with water. I spray it on my face and inhale it once each morning, and it’s a miracle worker! I’ve written a post about it here:
http://www.wifelife2011.blogspot.ca/2011/05/say-goodbye-to-sneezing.html
I’ve licked my cat too – when you’re told that “that’s how kitties give kisses” it only makes sense to kiss them back, right? At least that’s how my child self saw it.
I take a low dose of generic allergy medicine year-round for Dermatographism, which is cool to google but sucks when brushing my hair out of my eyes puts a welt across my cheek 🙁 I actually figured out that anti-histamines get rid of it because I took some Zyrtec for spring allergies and the itches and welts and rashes went away.
I’ve since found the lowest-strength that works (six-hour dose once a day) and so don’t experience the allergies either. But given my druthers, I’d give a peace offering if in return I wouldn’t need it!
I started taking stinging nettle capsules to try and alleviate my symptoms. And they work. I would like to go the cheaper route and make my own capsules or get the dried leaves and make tea but I was desperate and didn’t want to wait for an internet order to arrive. But it works and that’s all I care about.
I am a lifelong allergy sufferer…especially ragweed & pollen. Then after each pregnancy there came something new. 1) Banana insides (not the outside of the peel just can’t touch the insides you know, like the banana itself) 2) grasses and 3) inside dust allergies (yes, my eyes once swelled shut from flour dust while baking cookies). So I have done the shots and the prescibed meds and none worked. So I quit it all about 6 years ago and despite living in MICHIGAN I have had less trouble than ever. I do use an OTC generic claritin, but since adding alfalfa to my daily regimen I have been soooo much better. I take 1000 mg all year round, but up it to 2000 in spring and fall. My 15 yr old son – a fellow sufferer – used to spend most of the year stuffy and snotty, but since getting him on the alfalfa his “stuffy voice” has disappeared.
Acupuncture!!! Like, seriously. Mother Earth has been smiting me with hayfever for years, and last year I had 2 sessions of super-special-hayfever-acupuncture (I’m sure it’s probably got a proper name…), took a whole half hour each and cost me less than 2 packs of Claratyne. I got through the whole season without needing to take any drugs. At. All.
Plus I had my sisters wedding, which was held on a farm. Nuff said.
DO IT!
I’ve read a lot of stories on paleo lifestyle websites about people whose allergies disappeared or were greatly reduced once they went gluten-free, or grain-free, or eliminated some other seriously irritating plant food from their diet. I gently and respectfully suggest that any allergy sufferer reading this be willing to consider the possibility that it is your own immune system that is sending you a message that you may be polluting your own ecosystem with some of the foods that you eat.
Here are some resources to check out if anyone is interested in altering their diet due to persistent health problems, especially autoimmune disorders. Warning: you will NOT find any government-approved, hearthealthywholegrains food pyramids nor any saturated-fat-is-evil diatribes among any of these websites. You will have to be open to the possibility that everything you have been taught about “proper” nutrition is very, very wrong.
Robb Wolf
http://robbwolf.com/what-is-the-paleo-diet/meal-plans-shopping-guides/
(scroll down about halfway for the autoimmune protocol)
Chris Kresser (this is about FODMAPS, but it addresses autoimmune problems)
http://chriskresser.com/fodmaps-could-common-foods-be-harming-your-digestive-health
The GAPS diet (gut and psychology syndrome)
http://gapsdiet.com/INTRODUCTION_DIET.html
The Specific Carbohydrate diet
http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info/p/the-intro-diet/
And Mark’s Daily Apple has just tons and tons of information. I’d suggest you visit the website, do a search on “autoimmune” and start browsing through the search returns.
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/
I hate taking conventional medicine but I took a Claritin a few minutes ago because my allergies are starting to trigger asthma and I’d rather take allergy medicine than asthma medicine. Everything seems dead here from the massive drought but something seems to be alive enough to make me feel like crap.
I get a triple dose: Tree pollen in the spring, ragweed in the summer, and harvest in the fall. As much as I hate winter, it is my savior. Not much can grow in -20 degree weather and 36 inches of snow.
I was reading this thinking, “I’m so glad I haven’t had any “fall” allergies this year.” Then I remembered that fall-type weather is just beginning here, so I WILL get mine. I so do not look forward to this. Every year I think, “Yay! Fall! My favorite season!” Then the allergies hit and I hardly can enjoy it because I’m blinded by the swollen eyes, rendered deaf by ear-clogging mucus, and everyone laughs at me because I sound like Bobby Hill. I really didn’t want to think about this until the end of September. Thanks.;P
ugh! Fall allergies. I’m sneezing as i write this and we haven’t really hit fall yet. I get spring and fall allergies. Awsome. Every year i beg Mother Nature for a break or even just take the edge off. She doesn’t listen. Last year i took Quecertin (SP) and it worked great. This year, not so much. It’s an herbal supplement. Guess my body built up a tolerance to it or something. Bummer. Worked with out that druggie zombie feeling. Hang in there!
ugh! Fall allergies. I’m sneezing as i write this and we haven’t really hit fall yet. I get spring and fall allergies. Awsome. Every year i beg Mother Nature for a break or even just take the edge off. She doesn’t listen. Last year i took Quecertin (SP) and it worked great. This year, not so much. It’s an herbal supplement. Guess my body built up a tolerance to it or something. Bummer. Worked with out that druggie zombie feeling. Hang in there!
Bahahah…I completely feel your pain!! I hate allergies and in my neck of the woods (SE Louisiana, to be exact), we are still recovering from all the mold and other gross things brought on by that b**ch Hurricane Katrina. So, it’s pretty miserable here. Not to mention all the power/chemical plants down the road, drilling oil and wreaking havoc on Mother Nature. And for me, it’s pretty much year-round, save a few weeks here and there. I’ve found going to an acupuncturist helps and as much as I hate it, I HAVE to take Claritin every day! Can’t find a natural remedy that works! If you find something natural that has helped, do share! I do take nightly showers, as you’ve recommended and try eucalyptus EO in boiling water when I’m really stuffy and itchy but it only helps temporarily. Hope you feel better before October!! 🙂
Let’s start by planting more female plants. Suburban landscaping plans include male plants almost exclusively because they don’t product a lot of mess – i.e. fruits, seeds, and similar droppings. But the male plants produce pollen, lots and lots of pollen and without femail plants nearby to clean that pollen out of the air, pollen counts skyrocket.