I was having lunch outside with a friend one breezy spring day. She’d ordered the duck special and two glasses of wine.
I had the sandwich and water.
When the check came, she said, “I forgot my wallet. Would you mind picking up the check this time?”
Noting the look of frustration and anger on my face, she said, “Sorry. It’s just friendship. Nothing personal. I just expect this kind of stuff out of my friends.”
Is that justifiable?
Should I keep her in my cell phone?
—
Later that day, I came home to find my boyfriend all dressed up. Drenched in cologne. Hair moussed. Binaca poised jauntily over his mouth.
Expecting that he was about to surprise me with a date, I gave him a huge hug. He squirted his Binaca and kissed me soundly. Then he told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.
The doorbell rang. He sprinted into action, opening it widely to display a blonde-haired girl in a short skirt and a neckline that plunged to its death somewhere around her bellybutton.
“I’m off on a date, babe.” He winked. “Don’t wait up.”
My heart sunk, and he saw my consternation and confusion.
“No worries,” he said. “I’m just a man. This how we roll. Don’t take it personally. I’ll be home later. Promise.”
Is that forgivable?
You know, he is just a man.
—
As they walked out the door, my phone rang.
It was my landlord. He wanted to let me know that he’d been approached by a businessman who wanted to rent my apartment for $200 more a month than I was paying.
And since I’d been living there for 5 years, my lease had turned into a month-to-month contract. So I had 60 days to get out of my apartment.
Sixty days to leave my home.
Because a man wanted to pay $200 dollars more in rent than I was paying.
I cried, and the landlord said, “I’m really sorry. It’s just business. You understand, right? Nothing personal. No hard feelings. It’s just business.”
And that was acceptable.
Wasn’t it?
Isn’t it?
Could Someone Explain to Me How “It’s Just Business” Is an Excusable Reason to Be an Ass?
Would you keep a friend who took advantage of you constantly?
Would you stay with a partner who cheated often?
No, right?
Those are toxic situations to stay in. You know that. I know that.
So explain to me why we stay in business relationships with people and companies who consistently take advantage of us, lie to us, and effectively steal our money – and then we make it okay with ourselves by saying Well, it’s just business. It’s nothing personal.
It is personal.
It is our money earned by our time and hard work. It is our trust. It is our families and health and happiness.
And we’re fooling ourselves if we think it’s justifiable because we don’t see their faces and they don’t know our children.
Behavior that we wouldn’t condone in a friend or a partner shouldn’t be tolerated, or worse, encouraged in companies (or even landlords) by feeding it with the “it’s just business” lie.
It’s time to sever the ties we have with these people/entities. Just like we would with a cheating boyfriend.
The healthiest thing to do? Stop participating in the relationship. Find other relationships that are healthier, based on trust, and foster happiness.
And don’t ever look back and wonder how things could have been.
You Know What I’m Talking About?
If a shampoo you use says “natural” on the label, and it’s anything but natural – throw it away and never buy anything from that company again.
If your bank continues to pile on unfair and unnecessary charges – take your money out of that bank and never do business with them again.
If a company pollutes your neighborhood or city or you know it’s polluting a neighborhood or city – stop buying their products, ever, no matter what.
If you buy anything from Monsanto (RoundUp or farms that use GMO foods) STOP RIGHT NOW.
There’s no need to hold grudges. There’s no need to make new laws. There’s absolutely no need to go on anger-fueled tirades.
The world is a huge place full of incredible options and the nicest, most authentic people you could ever wish to meet.
And there’s no reason why any one of us needs to make a decision to stay in an unhealthy relationship … because it’s just business.
None at all.
Take the It’s Not Just Business Pledge
If you’re tired of hearing government, newscasters, people next door saying it’s just business in order to justify inhumane and uncaring business practices and decisions, then do this:
Pledge never, ever to use the words it’s just business in conversation. Ever. With anyone. Even yourself.
And if you hear someone say it’s just business, ask them why they think we tolerate greedy, unscrupulous behaviors from businesses when we wouldn’t ever tolerate those behaviors from our friends.
Ask them why there has to be a distinction. Why we can’t all just act in kindness. Whether or not they think it’s okay to remain in unhealthy relationships, regardless of who it’s with.
Let’s get rid of this silly phrase, this staid and outdated idea for good.
And let’s all just be human and act humanely, yeah?
Businesses are made of people. They are not robots. They are not soulless. They are not justifiably heartless and greedy.
They are made of people with whom we eventually form relationships.
It’s time we expect our relationships with them to be as healthy as any other.
Or healthier, even.
(It’s far easier to find a new shampoo than it is to find a new spouse. Remember that.)
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EXACTLY. In the “old days”, business was done on a handshake because there was honour when you made a deal. The landlord thing isn’t honourable and as much as he wants to think he’s making good, his greed will get the best of him.
I had a landlord that was overcharging by £110 a month. This was doable, when I was splitting rent with a flatmate, but once the flatmate moved out I couldn’t swing the whole rent on my own. The landlord refused to consider a 6 month decrease in rent to keep me in there, a loyal tenant who’d taken wonderful care of the property.
I moved out, and the place sat empty for 5 months before they managed to rent it out again, and those tenants moved out after less than 6 months. Their decision, based on “just business” ended up costing them a good tenant and more money than they if they’d just come to an agreement with me. Idiots.
I wonder how long this “just business” guy is going to rent your apartment. I bet he’s out in 6 months and the landlord will be kicking himself for letting a good tenant get away. IDIOTS.
I stand behind the “It’s Not Just Business Pledge” 100%.
I tend to think that there’s no such thing as ‘just’ anything. “It’s just a flower!” (that I dried and saved after it was given to me in an awards ceremony by my favorite teacher.), “I’m just saying!” (that I can say anything that pops into my head, no matter how derogative or mean, and you don’t have the right to be offended.)
It might be an oversimplification, but if something is ‘just,’ why does it need to be said at all?
I totally agree… there’s nothing JUST about any of that. (kind of cringe when people use that word – nothing good comes after)
On the other hand, in regards to your amazingly hellish day, I think your life got a whole lot better real fast! One big ol’ clean sweep of the garbage!
First – if I ever had lunch with that friend again, I would ask to see her wallet, containing cash to buy us both lunch before sitting down.
Second – guy does that, phone a locksmith, change the locks, delete from cell phone, forget his name. Oh yeah, throw his stuff out the door!
Third – in my city that is illegal and if my landlord tried it, I could call the city and get them fined big time.
One thing about having food allergies and having to be careful about what I bring into the apartment, I don’t support big businesses much.
Glad to see you back 🙂 I’m hoping that your landlord story was a metaphor and not actually happening to you.
I just moved last week. My apt complex was treating me like dirt even though I was there 7 years and was a great tenant. I found a cute place for cheaper, a charming little city, and now my hard earned money is not supporting those rude people anymore.
I agree with your charge to make sure our hard earned money goes to deserving businesses and people. We really wouldn’t even have to vote if we just voted with our dollars consistently.
One thing I’m stewing on right now is the concept that change is a constant in life. It’s not survival of the fittest or the strongest. It’s survival of the most changable or adaptable. Those who can roll with and accept change are the ones who do better and thrive, so I’m trying to embrace the big changes coming my way.
Also CB, my best friend just got back from Morrocco and brought me a liter of PURE argan oil. Would you care for a sample? I’d be glad to ship you some. It’s supposed to be amazing for anti aging (amoungst other uses) so I plan to slather it all over haha.
K toodles 🙂
Ugh. I’m telling you, landlords really grind my gears, as a whole. When you rent, it’s already like you’re at someone else’s mercy, and when that someone else shows very little mercy (or, say, tries to charge you excessively more money just because they can … or can try, anyway). Blah. It’s such a tradeoff – having to deal with a landlord or having to deal with my own home repairs. For now, renting just seems smarter.
I heart (hardcore) your change concepts. I know what you mean, precisely. Sometimes I get very, very caught up in trying to be right or trying to be “the best,” but then a new day comes and I realize how I’m very rarely ever those things – and if I am, it’s only for about 5 seconds at a time. Riding the waves up and down, rather than fighting them until you drown, is so much easier.
LASTLY, um, argan oil. Where to start? I used to have an unlimited supply of argan oil when I had a Moroccan boyfriend (whose family owns thousands of acres of argan trees they have no idea what to do with). At that time, I had no idea you could use it on your skin. Flash forward to a few months ago, I wrote the ex-boyfriend asking him to ship me as much argan oil as he could get his hands on. He said he would. Said it might be difficult to get through customs. And then I never heard from him again.
Needless to say, if you have a desire to send me some, I would LOVE some. And then I won’t ever have to write another whiny email to Hamid, ever again.
Yup. I hear ya on the tradeoff between renting and owning. Right now, renting is better for me too, even though I want to plant things and garden more than I can say.
On the argan thing, just email me where you want me to send it. I’d be happy to send you a little shipment 🙂 I’m so glad my friend keeps going to Morocco to see her husband. Long story. I introduced them to each other in Italy. They instantly fell in love and they are trying to get him a visa to live here. Until that happens, she goes to visit as much as possible. Each time she goes, I give her a list of all the stuff I want—opium oil, argan, saffron, etc. She’s like my very own Ali Baba importer.
It’s amazing all the stuff she brings through customs. Hope I didn’t just jinx it by writing that. Haha
Ok well have a good week!!!!
Thank you for creating awareness around this issue, and for telling it like it is. Right on.
Yay! This was so well put on so many levels. You’re right! If she was my friend she would have told me up front that she didn’t bring her wallet – ditch her. And same goes for the businesses and other rude people you encounter. Thank you! I loved this post 🙂
I think that the “it’s just business” tends to sometimes go both ways. Like customers who feel like they don’t need to show even the tiniest bit of respect to people who service them: waiters, butchers, mailmen etc. it seems that a common idea is that you don’t need to show any gratitude for others if they’re merely doing their job.
That’s why I always try to be nice and polite to anyone that serves me. A mere “good morning” and “thank you” are sometimes enough to make the “business” relationship more humane. After all, it is much easier to be nice to people that are nice to you.
You have no idea how much that little difference makes. I work in a very large (natural) foods store, and I get so many cranky, uptight, or downright mean customers. We do seriously appreciate the nice people though. Makes our day awesome. Thank you for being one of those nice people.
Welcome back- you do have a way with words Betty. 🙂