If there’s any kind of blog post you’ll want to stop reading immediately, it’s the one that starts with the question, “What is reality, anyway?”
Let me ask you people a different question.
So …
Reality. What is it, anyway?
Some people might say it’s what the general population has preconceived and agreed on. Some people would say it’s only what can be studied, measured, and labeled. Others, something unknowable except through faith.
Or maybe reality is a vast government conspiracy plotted and implemented by the shadow elite, who are really alien overlords, and we’re all just living energy food, from which they feed through our television screens as we fall comatose to the rhythmic skirt swishings of sitcom star and secret reptilian Zooey Deschanel.
She does have gigantic eyes. Coincidence?
Anyway. What IS reality, people?
Unwittingly, variations of this question are what I found myself mud-wrestling over breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past four weeks. Every question was framed within the idea that there is something wrong with my interpretation of reality. As if, somehow, everyone else received the Cliff notes to thinking “right” while I was stuck in the birth canal reading an US Weekly and eating Pop-Tarts.
I did, by the way, come to my own definition of reality, which I’ll share with you at the end. But before that, you should understand what was happening in my head prior to my mini-melt-up. A few friends tried to define it as a mini-melt-down, but, see, that’s how reality works.
For them, it looked like a melt-down (I mean, for gosh sakes I wasn’t BLOGGING). In my reality, it was weeks of soul-searching, journal-scribbling, past-exploring, truth-seeking, walk-taking melting up into something that felt more true.
Before My Melt-Up, I Was Scared. All the Time.
Because before this, I didn’t feel very true. And that’s what was in my head prior to disappearing for a while. Untruths. And they all seem so silly and irrelevant now, but you’re going to read them anyway, because at some point in your life, you may feel the same way. And when you do, you can remember that someone else, somewhere else, felt the exact same way – and was eventually brave enough to talk about it. So you can be, too.
Before my melt-up, I was scared. All the time.
Among a few other things, I was scared of you. The reader. And, when you read this, you’ll think, “Me? But … but I’m so nice!” But, see, I cannot know that, because “you” to me are about 15000 people. And each of you has your own version of reality. Each of you has opinions and preferences and desires that I cannot know.
And I was scared, because I was trying, desperately, to please you. And I was failing, miserably. Because through that desire – that true and honest desire – to please you, I was losing myself.
Every word I wrote was followed, immediately, by any one of these thoughts: “Will this make anyone mad? Will people stop reading Crunchy Betty because of that word? What kind of angry comments can I foresee as a result of this sentence? How many Facebook page fights will result from posting this link? How many things have I gotten wrong that someone is going to point out? Where am I not being thoughtful to EVERY PERSON in the world by sharing this idea? Am I being the example to everyone else that I need to be in order to show the “goodness” of “being crunchy?” Where am I wrong? Where am I wrong? Oh, good grief, WHERE AM I WRONG?”
As you can see, this was a painful and thoroughly exhausting process. And I did it every day, until I stopped posting as much. And then … then these thoughts happened:
“I am not doing my job. Everyone is so disappointed in me. I should be responding to all this email. I should be posting more on Facebook, but I can’t post too much, or else it will annoy everyone. I should write, but I can’t, and I can’t respond to these emails, and I can’t get up today, and all I want to do is play Words With Friends, because Words With Friends doesn’t JUDGE ME. And I do deserve to be judged! I mean, I am Crunchy Betty and here I am eating chips and dip and yesterday I even used a dryer sheet from a sample that came in the mail. And these petitions that everyone else wants me to back, but I don’t fully believe in petitions and fighting against things, but doesn’t that make me a bad person? That one person emailed me the other day and said I was actually HURTING the world because I wasn’t helping further their agenda and maybe they’re right? I am a terrible person. A terrible person who can’t write or do good things and only has vowels and can’t play a word over 8 points.”
Well, the World Hasn’t Ended Today
And one day I woke up, and I told all those voices to shut up.
SHUT UP and let me think for a minute. Is the world going to end if I stop blogging for a while and figure this out? Let’s see.
The next day, I woke up, poured myself a cup of coffee, looked at the weather forecast and thought, “Well, the world hasn’t ended today. And I’m not ready to write yet. Let’s see if it ends tomorrow.” And the next days followed, with nary a world-ending scenario all because I quit blogging.
(I did get a little worried right before Sandy. Sorry, New Jersey.)
After a few days, I decided I wasn’t going to blog again. Maybe ever. I wasn’t going to write or share or curate or host or anything. I wasn’t going to do a single bit of it, unless I truly, thoroughly and completely, wanted to. And, moreover, I wasn’t ever going to do it again unless I could do it with courageous vulnerability and authenticity to who I am instead of a pretend authenticity that said I had to please everyone else first.
Good news, everybody! Here I am!
I want to do this. And I am willing to be criticized. I am willing to disappoint you. I am willing to screw up royally and offend people and be wrong sometimes, because I AM FREAKING HUMAN (unlike Zooey Deschanel) AND BEING HUMAN IS AWESOME.
So What IS Reality?
Within this gentle awakening, I made friends with my personal truth. My reality. And in that, I realized something Very Important (for me).
Reality is subjective. You cannot know something unless you have experienced it. You cannot, ever, force a belief on another person. And if you try to tell a “truth” you haven’t personally experienced, you’re not living in your own reality. Yet.
It took me many, many steps to come to peace with this. To realize that my reality is not stupid. Or wrong. Or something I should hide. It is mine, and it is perfect. Yours is yours, and it is perfect. Choosing to be friends with our own reality – as it is experienced – is one of the most important things we can do in life. And whether we can let our many realities be friends with each other (sing it: peace, love and understanding) is fully dependent on that.
I have a really hard time not calling where I’ve been and what I’ve experienced an “awakening,” because I feel very awake in ways I’ve never experienced before. But I’ll try to spare you the sappy language and spiritual platitudes.
I won’t, however, not talk about it in ways that feel right to me. And I will, my friends, be sharing some insights that I’ve had over the last few weeks, in ways that you may or may not want to incorporate into your own reality. (Remember – it’s up to you to experiment with your truths, and they’re not truths until you experience them.)
So let me finish with this. This, my truth in reality as it is right now (and may change depending on what I learn in the future):
The only constant is change. Everything changes. All the time. Reality is slippery, and no one thing stays the same in our physical world, except the underlying “is” that some call God or Tao or Universal Energy or whatever. Morals change. Beliefs change. Interpretations change. Science changes. Even history changes, if you talk to enough people.
If you hold on too tight to what you think should be reality for other people, you will eventually be very, very wrong. The only thing you can know is your reality. If you’re lucky, even that changes, alien overlords willing.
—
If you want to play along with me in this fresh look at reality, right now, you can start where I started.
Can you think of something in your life that has excessively heavy criticism and judgment surrounding it? (Feel free to share it in the comments, if you feel courageous enough and want to connect.) Are the voices ever so loud and painful that you wish you could just STOP whatever it was?
Will the world end if you stop?
How will you know it will end, unless you experiment …?
(Just an innocent question.)
Soon …
Please don’t forget us male followers. I recently started reading your blog daily for some inspiration and new ideas. Until now, I never really knew how to say exactly what you said Betty or put words to my feelings. But, today you have awaken a renewed spirit within myself. I now know how to put my feelings and thoughts, and somewhat of a way to go about dealing with them. Thank you Betty for being there for those of us that need some insight and a different point of view. You have definitely won me over as a devoted follower of your blog. Peace be with you and all the other wonderful people out there that are following you as well.
Thank you, thank you thank you. I have been on a inward spiritual journey myself and literally by myself. I moved away from my friends, my family, stopped going on facebook to “find myself”. Although some days I felt I punished myself, others I feel free from expectations. This post you wrote made me cry and reading everyones comments brought on more tears. I do not feel alone and it feels good to know I am not alone in these feelings of being a people pleaser or inadadequecy or that someones ideas are better than mine. You put yourself out there and share your ideas wtih the world! NOt only Betty but the ladies below with the posts. Yeah! Frik the edit! Open share community let it roll out and express!!!Betty you are sooo inspiring beyond what you know! When I read this blog everything is reduced down to what is. Not what should be. Something recognizable..for our skin our bodies our souls our homes. Ladies we are not alone in our feelings of doubt but how else can we glorify ourselves no one else is going to oil our light the way we can, and it is a constant maintenance and reminder to tell ourselves we love us. These words penetrate every cell of our bodies. I love myself and am willing to bring forth my own truth. Crunchy betty you rule! You reminded me that I am not a slacker for taking time off for myself. I was brought back to your page after a homework assignment I just receieved for a social media class to identify an online community and I immediatley thought of this blog as my choice. Months and months ago I stumbled upon this site after searching for a cinnamon bronzer recipe. Yours is the best! Drove the boys crazy! (men love the smell resembling food..)I remember reading the comments on that recipe and of course there were haters. but hey like albert einstein said…great minds have always encountered fierce opposition…SO embrace the haters! Haters want you on the ground with them, you cannot fly high if your hanging with the sewer rats. If people are hating I think your doing it right. I read comments on youtube too on amazing footage and people always have something negative to say which is their ignorant bubble they choose to be in. But choosing to be conscious truth seeking soul bearing is what this site is about as far as I am concerned. I want to say thank you!!!!
Have we met? You have pretty much eloquently stated how I feel (or should I say felt?) almost all the time, at least the large chunk of my life that I go around scared to not please someone. You are right, the world won’t end. Thank you thank you thank you. I will probably be referring to this post often as I work on my journey to be more like me and less afraid to not be what everyone else wants me to be.
I discovered your blog two days ago. I have not stopped thinking about how I can crunchy-fy my life. I believe it is very important to believe in yourself and tell yourself something nice every day. This, however, is the hardest part of life for me.
My voices tell me every five minutes of every day that nobody likes me, that I am far from clever, that I don’t belong anywhere and other such unpleasent thoughts. A little hypocrotical I know. I know that this is all because of my childhood. I also know there is not an ounce of truth in any of this. Do you want to know why? Regardless, I will tell you anyway; it cannot be true because I will not accept it. My life is what I choose it to be; I will not allow my doubts to rule my life – I must be positive!
For everybody deserves happiness. Happiness is not impossible. To quote the delightfully exqusite Audrey Hepburn – “Nothing is impossible. The word itslef has ‘I’m possible’ in it.”
This is one of the posts that really had hit home for many of us.
Personally, I want to thank you for letting me into a bit of your reality. Because of you, I smell deliciously of coconut oil and rosewater, I’ve started a no-poo weening regiment, and will be sterilizing bottles for my OCM mixture tomorrow! I so look forward to my crunchy future under your tutelage!
I really want to thank you, Crunchy Betty, for all the hard work and thought you put into helping the rest of us crunchify. : ) I wish I could tell you just how much I love this goldmine of a blog you’ve given us. I also want you to know that you’ve never disappointed me. I know I’m only one in A LOT, but still, I’m sure they’re are plenty others saying this too, so maybe when you see so many single people praising you you’ll see how many of us you can’t possibly disappoint. : )
I have a little problem around making friends. I’m about half way through a year spent in another country and I still don’t really have any friends. Makes sense, as I’m a big introvert. Not that it really bugs me, as in school we just do school stuff and at home I have plenty of ways to amuse myself, and I have plenty of friends back home, but it seems to bug other people. Some of the grown ups in my life are worried about me not having fun. My year hasn’t been all that great as school is quite boring, so they think having friends will help make the year better. I don’t really believe them, but I thought I might try.
So anyway, I’ve been really trying these past weeks, but I just can’t get past worrying if others think I’m annoying/too awkward/what have you. I try to sit next to people, but I don’t really talk as I feel it would be too intrusive to insert myself into their conversations and I fear I might annoy them even just by being there. I don’t really get good vibes from them either, as they never really talk to me. So, then I get chocked up by all this doubt and worry and just want to hide away and never come back, so I can just get rid of the problem. I feel like the problem wasn’t really there in the first place, anyway. Others just told me it was a problem and expect me to fix it, even though it wasn’t already broken. Maybe it was just a little dysfunctional, is all. Not that it really mattered.
There are a couple people who are wiling to talk to me all the time, but the problem is that I don’t really want to talk to them. They’re very nice people, but they’re a tad annoying, I’m sorry to say. I’m trying to get over that (and not be a pinched-face lady), but it’s hard. Also, I want to try and branch out to others as well and I feel like they’re cutting me off from those other people. I just don’t know what to do. When I try to talk to people I feel really awkward, but if don’t try I worry about the people who want me to make friends and how they might be disappointed/angry with me. It’s just confusing.
I don’t really know why I told you all that. I suppose just because it fit so I thought I’d mention it. I’m not really sure how I can solve this problem without just pushing through and still being extremely awkward. I feel it’s almost useless anyway, as I’ll be leaving this school in a couple months to go back home. Oh, REALIZATION! I could just not worry, just stop trying to fix it. Not that I would really mind. I could just not tell the grown ups I’m not making progress with people so I can get them off my back, then leave in a couple months and not have to think about it again. I guess I could stop that way. Maybe it’s not the best thing to do though, I don’t know.
On a completely different note, I really want to thank you, Crunchy Betty, for all the hard work and thought you put into helping the rest of us crunchify. : ) I wish I could tell you just how much I love this goldmine of a blog you’ve given us. I also want you to know that you’ve never disappointed me. I know I’m only one in A LOT, but still, I’m sure they’re are plenty others saying this too, so maybe when you see so many single people praising you you’ll see how many of us you can’t possibly disappoint. : )
You go Betty. Just be the person that YOU Love. Don’t worry about the rest of us.
I am currently in college and in a Marine Corps Officer Candidacy program, meaning I will be commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant when I graduate. I am also a female. Whenever people hear about my plans, they have one of two reactions: 1.Think it’s badass (for the record, I do not share that view, but I do appreciate the support) or 2. Think I am foolish for thinking I can be a “real” Marine as a woman.
As most people do, I tend to notice the negative more than the positive. I feel like I am surrounded by people telling me that I am not good enough to be the only thing that I’ve ever really wanted to be: a United States Marine. They think that since I am a woman, I can never possibly be strong enough, fast enough, or tough enough to be a Marine like the men. It frustrates me to tears at times because I can’t convince them that I will be just as good of a Marine regardless of my gender.
I sometimes ask myself if it will be worth all of the ridicule, the contempt, the constant feeling that I need to prove myself. It’s a daunting prospect. But I recently resolved to block the negative voices out of my life. I know what I am capable of and I know that I have the mental and physical abilities to excel in the Marine Corps. I’ve proven myself so far-I’ve completed half of my training with a higher standing than 200 men that were in my company. I am done letting those chauvinistic leeches try to ruin my happiness and derail me from reaching my greatest goal.
I know that in the end, it will be worth every hardship that I have to face. I will not only know that I have what it takes to become a U.S. Marine, but also that I did it in spite of everyone who told me that I couldn’t, and I will be a stronger person because of it.
Hi, I like you. 🙂
So many times, I’ve wanted to comment. On this blog. Because, well, I’m a freaking crunchy fanatic. I think I read a single post like, eightybillion times. (I’m not a stalker, I promise.)
Anywho, I’m a crunchy just-turned-teen, and CB is my bible. (Metaphorically.) And, and, I was scared of commenting because I was afraid to be labelled “too young to be all THAT crunchy” or “you shouldn’t be doing anything near the stove, little girl” (If you get my meaning…) Whelp, my dear Crunchy Betty, I agree with you 100 percent. You keep doing what you do, because it is absolutely beautiful, and fantabulous, and just…just…. CRUNCHALICIOUS!
Thank you for this wonderful post, and sorry for my late reply (I had to ponder whether to post a comment) and thank you for being there. All through our crunchy little adventures and epiphanies.
Betty, I hope you feel the full l-o-v-e and mwah-ness of your fans, and that you keep being you. Because what we love is you. Of course, we love your recipes and jokes and cute passages, but what we love the most is your very essence. YOU are what keeps us coming back to the Facebook page, and back to Crunchy Betty. We love you so so so much. Feel the love~
The crunchiness is BACK and BETTER THAN EVER! <3
Love your blog. And this is a little off topic, but I’ve been trying the no-poo for about two weeks now. Unfortunately- I cheated. After only one week (the crazy oilly yucky hair week) I went to visit a friend of mine who smokes. I could NOT get the cigerette smoke out of my hair! I had to wash my hair with the forbidden shampoo. Three times. Anyway, that somehow got me thinking about essential oils. I have always wanted to try putting oils on my hair, but is it going to mess up my no- poo experience? Do I need to go out and buy some organic shampoo to have on hand to use when I want to use these oils on my hair? And if so, what kind do you recomend? I’m kinda left out in the dark on these things where I live, no one is into this stuff, so other than checking out your blog (which I am so happy I found) and a few others blogs, I feel like I’m flying blind.
I’ve been following your blog for some time now, and let me just say… I have never once been offended or disappointed with any of your posts! My husband rolls his eyes when I tell him the next new thing I’ve learned from ‘Crunchy Betty’ (which is pretty much daily at this point). It’s hard to consciously let go of the negative feedback and focus on the positive, but it’s worthwhile – and you certainly have a LOT of positive feedback from dedicated followers who love your blog!! Your fans will read as long as you post 🙂 Thanks for sharing with us!!
I like this blog. Awaiting your next crunchy tips and tricks!
I’ve been heavily criticized with my wanting and being a businesswoman after passing as a board topnotcher in the course I finished. People say I should be practicing my profession and what-on-the-heavens am I doing selling stuffs when I should be using my brain in the field I excel. I even tend to believe in what they’re saying over time. My dreams are slowly dying with what I hear. Sometimes, I could hear myself telling the same things other people are telling me. And the mental inertia happens. And I just stop with what I do and begin to think that I should perhaps change the direction I’m taking. But your post is such a breath of fresh air. You’re right, the world doesn’t stop if I do. And whether I listen to them or not, it’s my life, my reality, not theirs.
Yes, you are human, just like the rest of us. I thank you for your courage and willing to stand on that ledge and to just do what you do. You’re an amazing woman!
<3
I’ve never posted on this site, but this post was so amazing I just felt the need! I am so relieved that other people out there get weird, untrue thoughts in their head like I do AND get rid of them. I’ve been struggling with it for so long and it’s taken me until now to really examine where these voices are coming from and how they started. I feel like I found this post at just the right time!
For so long, I have dismissed my intelligence as being surrounded by people who were stupid or didn’t know better. Not only is that horrible to think about other people, it’s horrible to think about myself. Then I would berate myself for thinking that about people who cared about me (I even thought this about my college professors. They kept giving me good grades and I thought they were sub par professors for giving out high grades for people who do only okay work. I balled my eyes out when I first saw I got a 3.7 GPA because I was so sure I didn’t deserve it). Two years later, I realized that I am probably pretty smart, and it isn’t going to cause the world to end to admit that.
My next project is my body image and I’ve already found the awesome videos you have posted! Very inspiring and thank you for saying that even my body is perfect. It really helps to hear/read it.
This was beautifully vulnerable, strong, and authentic. Keep at it! This has been a hard lesson for me, as well. I don’t want to upset ANYONE, even strangers, even people who are mean to me. How ridiculous is that? It makes me feel awful to act like that.
Bah! for female insecurities, I say. Bah! I am oh-so-guilty of the same. Thanks for being honest & callin it what it is – we all struggle with it, and no one wants to talk about it. You’re loved all the more for putting it out there!
This site has been sooo helpful for me in my journey towards more natural living, and ditching commercial products – because of you & your info & message board I am 5 months NO POO & loving it! Ha! I’m also switching my house over to BS & vinegar cleaners & ditching my under-sink stash of poison. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
So thank you. I’m glad you want to keep it up, because you are an awesome resource for me as I learn more & more!
I have been a silent reader of your blog for some time now, but I must say that you have inspired me in my own life to be more crunchy and aware of the things I do to my body and to return back to nature to let her do what she does best. I know that it must be very difficult for you to think of everyone and try to please them all, but I thank you for trying (and winning, in my book!) but I am so happy for you that you have found a way to be true to yourself and be happy in the process! I wish you all the joys of reality and lots of love for helping me make a change for the better in my life!
I’m unemployed and have been for about two years. Right after I got laid off, finding another job was priority number one. Then our situation changed, my husband’s and mine. he landed a job with enough income to support us both very comfortably. He holds no grudges, bears me no ill will, and even told me flat out that he’s perfectly happy if I decide I don’t want to work. He’s not the problem: it’s everyone else in the world. Everyone asks “what do you do?” And the best response I have ever come up with is,” I -don’t-.”
I fight feelings of worthlessness every day, wondering if people I encounter, and even my own family members, are judging me because at this point I HAVE stopped looking. We have enough. We don’t need more. Do I bring no value to my household because I have no income of my own? It’s a struggled feeling worthy of my life because I haven’t been ‘earning’ it. Sure the laundry is done and the house is clean, but is that enough for a woman in the 21st century?
So this is where I am faced with my own search for truth. What is valuable?
DaniBethBee,
For about the last year, I have been in a very very similar situation. I can REALLY relate to your experiences and feelings. I have been/am there. I have found that I have been avoiding talking with certain folks because I know that inevitably they will ask “So, what do you do?” I never really liked that question, even when I was working, but now that I am not, I really don’t like it. I feel like you and I (and others in our shoes) are very much part of a sociological phenomenon flavored with many psychological elements.
My path has been a bit different from yours but similar enough that I too have wondered “what is valuable?” I for one, know that I feel very fortunate to have had a year such as this. I call it my breathing space year. And, you know what? I really needed it! That does not mean that I sometimes don’t feel guilty, worthless, anxious, or scared because of my situation. As uncomfortable as it makes me at times, I figure it is part of the journey. And, it has been and will continue to be an interesting journey!
Thank you so much for writing this, it is exactly what I need to read.
Hi crunchy betty! I really like your blog and have begun attempting to make some facial masks and such. However, I am not sure what the best bottles/ jars to store them in are and could use some reccomendations. Thank you!
great blog. be kind to yourself
Wow, I read this post when you posted it and have been thinking about it ever since… I decided i HAD to comment!
Firstly, I relate in so many ways. You have summed up beautifully some of the most emotionally and spiritually confusing and amazing experiences I’ve had recently. There have been moments of internal shifts going on for me while surrounded by a sea of expectations which are external to my own reality. It’s this kind of nexus of worlds that are not nearly coinciding and makes me feel out of balance and like it’s all my fault. But I am learning that I just have to follow my intuition and go my own way, despite what others say and do. Your post has come at the perfect time for me because it has helped me take a step back and see through what has been going on with fresh eyes.
And this is why what you do and who you are is so important. You are human! You are on a journey, though it’s your own journey, and we are so lucky because you have chosen to share some of it with us. You are an angel 🙂 … and that kind of role is unique and amazing but can be exhausting because you are giving so much of your beautiful heart and soul. So take time for yourself when you need to, nurture yourself, and know that we will understand if you need to ‘disappear’ for awhile!
And for cyber bullies, or anyone that gets down on you for doing what you do, I have no words for them at all. On the one hand I think we can take away their power by ignoring them, which means having some internal mechanism for brushing off harsh words or expectations and not having to try to be nice (my own personal challenge – when people expect too much and I can’t comply I often apologize). On the other, I wonder if the negativity that some people bring to life is one of the things that helps us gain fresh insights. It’s hard to deal with at the time but in the end keeping a positive outlook will ensure you will always land on your feet with your head held high. It’s a learning curve but in the past I found meditation so helpful in keeping internal awareness and a sense of ‘trueness’. Which reminds me, I MUST incorporate meditation into my life again – just another piece of inspiration I gained from your post!
Let’s face it, everyone thinks you’re awesome – because you are! Not perfect, and no one expects you to be, since none of us are. This post is just another example of how you are helping people, I wish I’d know this about 20 years ago! I spent most of my life trying to please others by being who I thought they wanted me to be, and the thing is, the more I did that, the more unhappy I was, which DOESN’T please anyone. The more I am true to myself and willing to risk being me, the more happy I am, and that is such a relief. Plus, everyone else seems just fine that I’m not running around trying to make everyone else happy. So thanks! For being you!
Thanks for sharing Betty! I totally feel your pain around trying to please everyone and putting waaaay too much pressure on yourself! Sounds like you did the right thing by taking a break from the source of your stress, and good for you for allowing yourself to do it-it must have been terrifying. Glad you’re back and feeling better :)) I look forward to a free-er, crunchier you!
So glad you are back — I really look forward to your posts! Glad your break helped gain a new, healthier perspective 🙂
I totally know how you feel. Except your conclusions are a lot more sunny than mine 😉 I would say it is against the norm to be truthful in this world of lies. Even though the world tells us, “Be yourself! Buy this new striped shirt for only $30 because it’s who you are!” the second anyone opens their mouth and is completely honest, they are ridiculed (Ron Paul?). The element of your blog that stands out is your honesty and smarts, even when you’re not trying to be smart and truthful. It’s the sense that you’re a real person with real opinions, and I respect that even when I don’t agree!
Keep in mind that ANYONE can read and contact you, people who are grounded, not so grounded, and outright crazy. You are really courageous, I admire you, and you’ve helped me and tons of other people. You probably even helped the people that angrily contacted you! Some people have a huge chip on their shoulder, or no respect for others, and can’t wait to tear others down. It’s like that energy feeding alien thing 😉
Now I got such a kick on you mentioning Zooey Deschanel. She irks a lot of us because her whole image is just too much. We want to like it but it screams of fakery. The fountain of hair extensions, the 30 year old acting and looking like a middle schooler, and the pedestal she’s placed on as the perfect woman. It’s like come on give me a break. Yes of course I want my hair to look like that, show me the tutorial, now go away.
Anyway, if you never blog again, I completely understand but I hope you’ll hang in there as long as possible because this blog is really special (because of YOU). Thank you Crunchy Betty for all you do!!!
Yea for you!
I don’t remember how I ended up on your site Betty but it happened just a few days ago. Since then I have made the coconut milk shampoo, the olive oil/coconut oil skin cream, the deodorant and I’m doing the toothpaste today.
In just a few days, your reality has impacted my reality in such a profound way and for that I’m forever grateful. My dear loving husband is very supportive and now lovingly calls me his “hippie foreign chick” 🙂 Before it was “the foreign chick” because I’m Icelandic (he’s American and we live in Iceland).
My 8,5 year history with my husband has been interlaced with judgement and criticism so I totally get where you’re coming from. He spent 13 years in prison and most people assume ex-cons are bad people. I don’t know about other ex-cons but my husband is a good man. So my reality is that my husband is the best man I’ve ever known, my best friend, companion, lover and everything in between. Still, other people’s reality is that he MUST be a bad person because he was stupid in his youth.
I’m glad you’re still here – you are a gift to people all over the world…. take that from someone living on a tiny little stamp near the arctic cirle.
Wow. Okay, so sparing you my impulse to just go on about the fact that I absolutely love this post, and probably may print the sucker out and post it on my wall somewhere (yes, sparing you that), can I just say thank you. If this is what you got out of your time off, it was well worth it and as much as you were missed (read: very), please continue to take off all the time you need in the future. This was wonderful. Thank you.
Thank you for being brave and writing this post. I found you this summer when, for the first time in my adult life, I started taking care of me instead of everyone eIse. I have always been crunchy and your blog gave me new and exciting ideas. I have experienced a melt up for the last two years and I am getting glimpses of my truth. I don’t know all of it yet, but that is part of the ride too, getting to find out more as I go. A loving friend sent me this quote”If you live your life based on what others think, you are not living your life, you are living theirs.” Live your life Betty in all it’s crunchy goodness and know that you have lots of people who enjoy your writing and insights and humor. Know too, that if you are done writing this blog, you will be missed but we got your back. Make whatever move is right for YOU and the rest will be just as it is meant to be. Mwah!
Thanks for the beautiful sharing. 🙂 “Melt-up” – I love it!!!! I also really appreciate truth that has an experiential requirement for it to be true. Your insights will sit with me. My struggle right now is trying to love my postpartum body that looks so unsatisfactory to me. I don’t know how your blog post will help me with that, but I feel more relaxed and at ease in my body as I write this. Thanks.
Hi! I’m Alexis. I can see how 15000 anonymous people can be intimidating, so I hope we can be friends. 🙂
I am so glad you’re back!! You and your blog has been an inspiration to me. I’ve made your products, taken the no-poo challenge, introduced you to friends, and even bought your products on etsy. Your face scrub is hands down the BEST thing I’ve ever put on my face.
I appreciate your blog on reality. I often say that I don’t regret anything in my life, because all those experiences, the good and the bad, made me who I am today. Your reality is the sum total of all your experiences, things that noone else, not even if you had a twin, could experience. Staying positive in your reality, and appreciating who you are, is the most important thing to do. Other people’s comments, bad OR good, shouldn’t form your opinion of yourself because you are busy being YOU. (the YOU in this paragraph isn’t meant to be a finger pointed at you, it’s just a general you as in … me!)
I look forward to your posts and insights.
Hugs xo
Hi! I’m Alexis. I can see how 15000 anonymous people can be intimidating, so I hope we can be friends. 🙂
I am so glad you’re back!! You and your blog has been an inspiration to me. I’ve made your products, taken the no-poo challenge, introduced you to friends, and even bought your products on etsy. Your face scrub is hands down the BEST thing I’ve ever put on my face.
I appreciate your blog on reality. I often say that I don’t regret anything in my life, because all those experiences, the good and the bad, made me who I am today. Your reality is the sum total of all your experiences, things that noone else, not even if you had a twin, could experience. Staying positive in your reality, and appreciating who you are, is the most important thing to do. Other people’s comments, bad OR good, shouldn’t form your opinion of yourself because you are busy being YOU. (the YOU in this paragraph isn’t meant to be a finger pointed at you, it’s just a general you as in … me!)
I look forward to your posts and insights.
Hugs xo
I recently experienced something similar in my own life. I simply couldn’t figure out how to prioritize my life, my work, my garden, my relationships, and my blog in a productive and satisfying way. I kind of got lost in trying to get everything done in one day and ending the day with nothing completed. I felt scattered and frustrated. What finally helped me find focus and clarity was meditation/jappa (chanting). I know this sounds very “new-ageish”, but it’s not. According to my mentor, Eric Sigmund (Transactional Analysis), the purpose of meditation and chanting is to quiet the chaotic left brain noise which allows me to focus on one thing. It took time to quiet all my thinking, but once I started developing a practice, I found that when I set my mind to something, it got done. I still don’t get everything done in one day that I would like, but as you say let’s get real. At least now with more focus, what I do work on does get done and done well.
wonderful, wonderful! i’m so glad you took this time out (even if i was temporarily disappointed to not read your words over this time) and shared your conclusions. it does seem pretty stupid when you look at it from afar and put it into words, but when you feel that, it’s pretty paralyzing. i feel like this a LOT (won’t get into when/where/why or we’ll be here all day!), and it really helps to hear this sort of thing coming from someone who outwardly seemed to have it all figured out. i guess none of us really have it figured out, huh? thanks again!
I’m so impressed by your writing today. I mean, I’m impressed every time I read your blog, but this one really hit home. I was all set to comment on something I hide because I’m afraid of the negative feedback, but then I read a comment that began with “I’m a conservative Christian” and I dropped that idea. I applaud your epiphany but I’m so sick of being judged here in the Bible Belt that I can’t even be open on an anonymous blog comment.
Whew! Someone else? It doesn’t exactly make me happy that someone else struggled(s) with worry over expectations and judgments. Our family lives a lifestyle that is hardly unusual, but still different enough that it is judged and rather harshly so. Even those in our community that share our lifestyle choices are especially critical of the rest of us. In some ways, gatherings feel like 7th grade all over again. The loud, mouthy bullies… those trying to fly under the radar… the funny ones, they are all there. Just this morning as I was contemplating all of my options (well both of them; either stay in the group or leave) my husband said I should start my own! I don’t think I will but it was a nice third option.
I have no idea how to proceed. I haven’t had a revelation or an A-ha! moment. Being as I hate, no make that HATE confrontation… it’s unlikely that I’ll speak up. :/
That is so weird to hear you talk about how scared you were in your reality. In my reality, you have been this beacon of perfection. Before I try anything new, I check to see if you have already posted about it. If you haven’t, I get kind of worried that my idea won’t work, and if you have, I feel such a sense of relief.
I, too, suffer from fear of judgement (don’t we all now and again?) However, I’ve been managing to conquer mine this year. I started a blog and participated in the 31 day challenge this October. I got a lot more views than I expected so far, but… every time I look and see
“376 views, 20 comments”
I think to myself “Oh my god, 356 people thought I was an idiot and hated my blog.” And I actually compare myself to yours and another blog I love, thinking that “If this were done by Betty or Kelly, it would have been so much better!”
It is scary, but I know it’s something I have to work through. I also have my own my own coffee shop, and I get scared whenever I do anything new there… I’m working towards opening a crochet shop on Etsy, and I’m terrified that people will despise my work and think it is amateur quality….
All kinds of fear everywhere, for everyone. And there are some people out there who have nothing better to do than toss out a snide comment and make that fear overwhelm us. We just have to learn to handle it, and remind ourselves, logically, that not everybody hates us. We are doing a great job, on whatever it is we are doing!
Welcome back, CB. You were missed. And how lucky for me about the timing of your return. I have been melting—into my couch—for a few weeks now. I’m two days short of a year of being sick and halfway through a treatment cycle with some pretty strong drugs, and I seem to be getting every side effect in the books, including less and less energy.
Last night, after another four hours of tv, while playing WWF, of course, I was graced with an epiphany. Feeble as it feels, I’m going to resume daily walks, and I’m calling this the beginning of my return to health and vigor.
Scraping my melted ass off the couch cushions…
Thanks for your honesty.
Love!
Sue
Thank you, for this post in particular, and all of the other amazingness on this website in general. I haven’t commented before and I’m sorry about that, I, like Laura at the top of the page, often feel like I don’t have anything fantastic to add to the conversation and that you know that you are doing an amazing job. I have been so inspired by your blog and am slowly making changes in my lifestyle to be more ‘crunchy’ and environmentally conscious and thoughtful. I really feel like your site and the information it references, are slowly, but surely, changing my life. Thank you again.
To really think about what you wrote, it’s kind of sad. I mean, good but still sad. To know that I’ve done this for years. Since I can remember. I’m 27 now but in school days I remember a constant worry of how others see me and what they think of me. It was so bad that I rarely made friends because keeping all to myself was much easier than trying to “impress” someone else. Rediculous because I know now that at that age and time I really did have something good of me to offer and it wouldn’t have had to take serious impressing, I could have just been ME. I still do this all the time and I really don’t like it. I hope I can overcome it some day too and stop worrying about what everyone else in this world thinks of me. I tried to stay on a certain path my whole life, doing what I feel is right…and I was okay with the things I had done because they weren’t horrible. A couple years ago I made some mistakes. I won’t post it but, do know it was one thing that actually did effect someone else. Since them I’m in a constant battle with myself trying not to lose it completely. When you see yourself as “bad” because of a mistake, it’s hard to think that anyone else may see you as different than that. Liking myself has been harder than ever..and worrying about what others think of me has been even thicker. Anyways, I completely understood your post and I think it’s truly awesome how you are…as you. Shoot I haven’t even met you in person and I think you’re absolutely smart and incredible! Apparently, A LOT of us do from reading the comments 🙂 Thank you for all you do. You’ve never dissapointed me. In fact, I may be a little more concerned with myself if you never took breaks or had a single worry lol. Keep on keeping on…you do a wonderful job with this blog..
Thank you so much for posting this. I have been exactly where you have wanting to do what is “right”, and have all of the voices telling me you can’t do that, you can’t quit that, you can’t go there, etc., but 10 months ago. I quit my “very good” “well paying” with “good benefits” job to stay at home and discover what I wanted to do when I “grow up”. I still don’t know what I want to do, but the voices have stopped and the world didn’t end, and I am for the first time in my adult life incredibly happy and content with what I have. Thank you for all of the posts you share. I’m so glad I found Crunchy Betty last year.
I am giving you a standing ovation right now. Can you hear it?
It takes a lot of courage to post something out there for anyone to comment on. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to post what you do! Don’t forget that some people will never have anything nice to say about anything (including themselves) and don’t let them bring you down :). You do a great thing!
I’m glad you’re back. I missed you and your posts, and thought about you every day that there wasn’t a new post from you. I understand needing to take some time off, whether it is to find and like your own reality, or whatever. We all need to take care of ourselves first, but sometimes that is so hard to do. We are our own worst critics, too, so you have to keep that in perspective. Welcome back!
I have no expectations of you, no criticisms, no agendas or judgements or anything BUT gratitude. I am grateful for every post and every opinion and every recipe and suggestion and thought you have. I read your blog because I want to, not because I have to. I am so thankful for you because you have reawakened my own interest in trying new things. In questioning my beliefs. In putting food on my face. You use those dryer sheets baby and snack on Doritos while you’re doing it because I’m not here to judge. I am simply here. And I hope you’ll continue to be here too.
Ok, it’s starting to freak me out how well your blog posts sum up what’s going on in my own life…
Seriously though, I’m happy you’re back! My meltdown/up began a couple years ago when I slowly started to realize that I was in the wrong career for me. Only problem is, I’m not quite sure what the right career is. Then my mother got very sick and I had to move halfway across the country to care for her. Everyone tells me I’m such a good person to be doing this, but what else could I do? Besides, I get a lot out of it: I get to spend time with my mom, who doesn’t have a lot of time left, and although I make very little money and can’t afford to do much, what I DO do is what I WANT to do. I have been able to crunchify my life to my heart’s content. I was even able to go through the greasies of shampoo withdrawal in relative privacy!
But, now that my life is quieter, I can hear that horrid little judgemental voice really clearly. It says I have wasted my life and I’m going to die miserable, poor, and lonely. I’m in my mid-30s and I have no career, barely a job, no savings, no car, no boyfriend (let alone fiance or spouse), no kids, no house, and I hate the town I’m living in. I put everything on hold to pursue my career, racked up some massive student loan debt, then decided I didn’t want it after all. Am I crazy? Am I stupid? Am I weak? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????!!!!!
I didn’t think any of those conventional trappings of “success” mattered to me, I thought I was so beyond all that–and I was wrong.
But I’m finally starting to relax into the notion that my reality is kind of awesome in its own way, that it doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s. I’m working on it. I’m actually kind of looking forward to exploring it.
You mean… What i want and what i don’t want is just ok? I don’t have to explain it, justify it, bend it to fit? And how i am is just… Ok? Wow. Deep breath. I feel lighter now. I think i’ll get out of bed. Today will be better. Thank you.
since i can remember i havent done anything without thinking…
“what will___ think?”
“will ___ like it?”
“who will i disappoint?”
just today i was going to move my living room around and i thought “what will my mother in law say when she comes over”
one night, i was even in tears because I moved the decorations on my entertainment center around and someone said they didnt like it… there was more to it but thats as far as i will go. in school i didnt buy things i liked because i didnt think anyone else would like it.
i just read this post and i was like, you know what?? this is MY LIFE, MY HOUSE, its MY DAUGHTER, MY HUSBAND, MY HAIR.. i will do whatever i want with it.” so what if someone thinks i should have cooked grilled chicken instead of fried OR my hair looks better blonde than brown!!
its MY REALITY! i am going to become friends with it, grasp it, live it, and never regret it.
i think i will re arrange my house, dye my hair, and cook chili MY way, not my mother in laws way.
THANK YOU for posting this and waking me up. making me realize i am not here to please everyone else. sure, every once in a while i will need to please someone else, but i do need to do something for myself every now and then. take a day, week, or month and devote it all to myself and just RELAX!! thank you for waking me up!!!
and i am so glad you are BACK!!!
much love!!!
Ella K.,I wrote a long message to you, with a lot of my own therapy thrown in…I hadn’t registered. So, here in a nutshell: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I believe you have to like yourself FIRST! Then think of others.And you’ve figured that out! HOW WONDERFUL! I’m still working on it at 55! It’s perfectly okay to say “no-I’m not able to do that”-with NO explanation. So,turn that around somehow into what ever needs to be said(or not) to your MIL.Hubby needs to back u up! Hope he does. Thank you Crunchy for coming back. I would have guessed more than 15000 followers-but that’s huge! Good luck with the reality game-it’s so strange,isn’t it? I’m a para,so it bugs me when someone says: ‘I know how you feel, I couldn’t walk for 6 weeks’,or some such craziness. People,I CAN’T FEEL FROM THE WAIST DOWN! Or control anything.It’s very different than breaking a leg-or even a hip-I’ve done that too!(didn’t know it-was bleeding in my leg-3 days later saw the pooled blood! + both arms~dif times,thankfully, & that was 4th grade,para @25. “What a long strange trip it’s been!” My deceased brothers saying-long b4 he died. I feel the
same way! Crunchy,glad you figured out the things you needed to, I wondered! where/what happened,and had NO idea whose was behind CB!! What a shocker!! 😉 Hope you keep enjoying (?) doing this,and are here for the other followers as long as it’s good for you! I love your style! So “real”…
I have been going through something similar as well. It is comforting to know that you, someone I look up to, has also had similar thought patterns, even though I wouldn’t wish negativity on anyone as selfless as you. And that’s how you’ve always appeared to me, selfless. I’m still struggling with it through my Etsy shop. My brain sees nothing but the negative customers and their feedback. Every time I check my feedback score, I pray for strength and positivity just to LOOK at it … because any customer at any time can “ruin” my business with one negative score because they don’t like a scent (or whatever the reason is). I know I’m not doing anything wrong with my products – they are safe and thoroughly tested and they work!!, but people still complain because it’s not perfect for THEM. Natural products are not readily available so I’ve taken what MY family likes and made it available for OTHERS. Not the other way around. But people still don’t seem grateful or satisfied or positive, yet they are too lazy or busy or what have you to do it themselves. It breaks my heart. But I’m working through it because I can’t please everyone and I’ve realized, with the help of my loving husband, that a lot of people don’t take responsibility for their decisions. And I have to remember that their decision, their smell capacity, their unwillingness to try a product for more than one day … it’s not my fault 🙂
Thank you for coming back!
I have been going through something similar as well. It is comforting to know that you, someone I look up to, has also had similar thought patterns, even though I wouldn’t wish negativity on anyone as selfless as you. And that’s how you’ve always appeared to me, selfless. I’m still struggling with it through my Etsy shop. My brain sees nothing but the negative customers and their feedback. Every time I check my feedback score, I pray for strength and positivity just to LOOK at it … because any customer at any time can “ruin” my business with one negative score because they don’t like a scent (or whatever the reason is). I know I’m not doing anything wrong with my products – they are safe and thoroughly tested and they work!!, but people still complain because it’s not perfect for THEM. Natural products are not readily available so I’ve taken what MY family likes and made it available for OTHERS. Not the other way around. But people still don’t seem grateful or satisfied or positive, yet they are too lazy or busy or what have you to do it themselves. It breaks my heart. But I’m working through it because I can’t please everyone and I’ve realized, with the help of my loving husband, that a lot of people don’t take responsibility for their decisions. And I have to remember that their decision, their smell capacity, their unwillingness to try a product for more than one day … it’s not my fault 🙂
Thank you for coming back!
I have read your blog for a long time, and tried and used many of your ideas, I don’t know if I have ever commented. As I read this I thought “amen”, I think many people feel like this in every day life. I’m glad your back, I missed you and your posts. Take care!
Vicki
I for one am so glad to have found your site and I love the new products that have entered my life because YOU chose to start a blog! We choose to read your blog, no one is making us and if there are haters – well, haters are gonna hate. Feel sorry for them not yourself! I am glad that Crunchy Betty is a part of my reality!
I’m very happy you had this mini melt up – which I will be stealing that phrase because it rocks! It sounds like you have made some awesome revelations and thrilled that you are back. I love your blog and can’t wait to see how it evolves. I hope I find things I don’t agree with you on as it will make me think about my beliefs, look at it from a different perspective, learn about the other side that maybe I haven’t taken the time to do before. Or, realize I’m right 😉
I grew up always doing things based on how I thought people would perceive or judge. How I dressed, who I hung out with, activities, relationships, beliefs, what constituted right or wrong, would I be accepted. Ugh, it’s exhausting to think about how much effort was put in to “not” being me. It makes me sad to think I’ve wasted so many great years worrying about what others think. Because of this I never took the time to know myself so as I got older I had to kind of start over and figure things out. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I started getting such a sense of who I am and what I want out of life. I still have issues and will struggle from time to time and reading your post has been great inspiration to tackle a fear and put myself out there.
Thank you and good luck!!!
Dear Crunchy Betty,
When we start beating ourselves up with second-guessing and what ifs, we can disarm ourselves by asking whether we would ever inflict such torment on someone else. Let’s be gentle with ourselves. We are not in this alone; the gentle arms of Jesus envelope us and make it safe for us to become who we are really meant to be. Take heart as you begin your lifelong journey.
Thanks for your vulnerability and honesty. I for one am glad you’re back! I have just, within the past year, started my and my family’s journey on a healthier, wellness lifestyle. In that process, I’ve discovered your blog and it’s one of my favorites. Thank you, thank you for sharing your heart, your knowledge, and your recipes. It’s changing lives.
crunchy betty you just made me cry at work. thank you. i work at a job i increasingly hate day by day because i am afraid to do what i love, what i was trained to do which is fabricate one of a kind art pieces. i keep thinking “what if i fail? what if i disappoint everyone? what if no one likes what i make?” and no amount of praise or enthusiasm from my friends and family that have pieces I’ve made seems to make up for that tidal wave of fear. because everything i make make is a little piece of me. my thoughts, my dreams, sweat and blood. (only sometimes blood. i’m a little clumsy with the bench tools.) i don’t know where the fear comes from, or when my ego became so fragile that i am willing to suffer through a sh** job just so i don’t have suffer those slings and arrows.
i think the driving force in life is connection. connection with people, with nature, with ourselves… and a lot of what we say or do is in fear that we will lose that connection, that others will judge us by our words and actions and not accept us or understand. but we overcome that fear and learn to embrace who we are and what we believe, we see that we connect even more because that is what everyone else wants. to be who they are, and experience what they love without being judged. we all make mistakes… and when we acknowledge our fears and doubts we may find others embrace us more than if we seem fake, or always right because we know that’s not real. you inspire me, even more so when you are vulnerable and acknowledge that you are human and make mistakes and when you say that what you are trying to teach us may not work for everyone because we are all different… we need to experience what works for us and what doesn’t, we all make mistakes and what truly matters is if we grow and learn from those mistakes… that is living and we are all just trying our best. i just want to thank you for being you & for inspiring me to be more me.
I realized that I felt judged is because I judged others…
Thank you Thank you! Ive never commented on anyones blog either and I often get annoyed reading comments when they turn from the topic at hand to an all out debate about something totally unrelated. I always think if you don’t like it, don’t read it! Of course I have trouble applying this to my life. I quit my job to be a dog walker much to the dismay of EVERYONE I know (except my husband-he believes in me) and the real change in my life is in my mind. I have to battle myself every day, give myself hundreds of pep talks and constantly tell myself I can do this. Through almost a year of self discovery and every self help book in my library what I can say for certain is this: the hardest thing I have ever done is believe in myself. Believing in yourself is not something you can just get over and done with, grin and bear it, suck it up and it’ll be over soon. It is every minute of every day. Every passive aggressive comment made by a “friend” needs to be followed up with at least one day of obsessing, defending (in my mind) regrouping and moving on. With practice it is getting easier, and having a true inspiration (you) makes believing in myself a little better every day. Did I just turn from the topic at hand and turn it into something totally unrelated? Like Laura I am not going to read through this rambling of mine and edit it. I guess my point is I know just how hard it is to believe in yourself and I admire anyone who does! THANK YOU!
This is my favourite post of yours I’ve ever read {and I’ve read quite a few and enjoyed them all}. You say things I often realise I think/believe/feel too and wish I could articulate them in the way you do, with the same humour and sharp intelligence. It’s such a pleasure to read your posts. You also have equally funny and interesting readers; I don’t read the comments on many other blogs.
I recently decided it’s actually ok to be someone who doesn’t want to go to parties {which sounds ridiculous written down but it’s plagued me my whole life because of more sociable types who were mean about it and who I let make me believe there was something wrong with me}. Today I had a big fight with someone I love about that very topic, and maybe for the first time ever I came away feeling completely undented by the implied message that I was somehow lacking in value because I prefer one to one experiences over big social events. I saw clearly it wasn’t my issue, and that I’m finally {finally!} completely happy with myself the way I am in this regard. I have just stopped letting someone else’s belief or opinion about me be more true than mine. I’m 34; I wish I’d learned it earlier, and I still struggle with it sometimes, but I’m so happy to have got to this point.
It’s also freed up my evening for things I like doing, instead of before when I would have felt shitty til at least the next day, if not longer.
Also I totally understand that ‘scared of the unknown readers’ thing. I really have that. I find I end up having one or two specific people in mind when I write; it’s less overwhelming.
And before I end up writing a comment as long as your post, I love your description of reality. Thanks for writing such an honest, funny, insightful and let’s not forget freaking USEFUL blog. 🙂
One of the biggest things my husband and I bonded over on our first date was that we prefer to be one-on-one and not in a crowd. It’s wonderful, just the two of us 🙂 blessings to you!
Crunchy Betty, thank you for posting this very honest and human post. It makes me like you and your writing even more. I discovered your blog just a few months ago and I have loved ever entry that I have ever read. You, my dear lady, are what authenticity and humanness is about. I appreciate your humor, your honesty, and the crunchy goodness you have to share with the world. Thank you!
Dude, you ask brilliant questions and offer astounding amounts of research, fuelled by curiosity and love, all in a vernacular that is witty and charming, personal and welcoming. You’re truly a fabulous writer: you make 15000 people feel like they’re in a conversation with a cool friend. And the information, ideas and ideals you present give a huge number of people an immense tool chest to make their own version of a peaceful, nurturing and honest lifestyle. You’ve certainly changed my life in the few months I’ve been on the Crunch Train. It’s visible in about a hundred things I do daily. And the god news is it’d take me a year to even have to begin to mourn your moving-on, should you choose to do so someday, because of the legacy of posts you’ve left already. Meanwhile, because I admire you (in a way that is similar to my reverence for the spunkiness of Zooey) I am deeply gratified to hear that once in a while you, too, struggle with the all-too-human issues of leadership, example and moral codes; overwhelming and sometimes debilitating self doubt; guilt, exhaustion and the feeling that we ought to be doing more at everything we value in any way; and the inner-peace conundrum. Until you and Deschanel tell me so, I’m ready to believe you KNOW your imperfect perfection is working for the world. Sure helps a gal on the ground with her own perspective. Bottom line: THANKS.
Simply… I am so very happy for you & may you find joy in your perfect reality 🙂
I’m in something that resonated with this post in a big way. Like, I just got out of bed. It’s 11.30. Prior to the melt (up or down, whichever) I was at my desk at 7 every morning. Now I don’t even go to work (thank you stress leave). But it’s true, I wasn’t coping. Nothing seemed real. Everything I did, every face I made, every thought I had seemed fake and I couldn’t see me in it anywhere. I’m still there a lot. In fact, it’s almost as if this thing got worse, not better, but underneath it all…I know it’s better. I’m dropping things I thought, believed, fed, felt so fast it’s like a rush of realization and it’s moving so quickly there’s only a shell of a body where I used to be. Or what I used to think I used to be.
The big one is “I am not my body”. I’m grappling with that and yet the logic is there…how can I be my body, does it do what I want? Does it bend to my every will? Why then am I not 120 pounds of lithe, sinewy and graceful muscle? Clearly my body is its own thing and I’m just kind of here, inside it. Using it as a tool to explore this dream we call reality.
I found god in this. Which is weird because I’ve never been a believer of any stripe. But I think it’s like you said: you have to experience truth to know truth and there it is. My experience. Some woman on some library cd saying “reality is god” and suddenly that rush of understanding came. I can’t argue with that. What is reality? It’s this, it’s this, it’s this. What’s in charge? Clearly reality is. It relentlessly continues, no matter what we do or think or wish about it. It doesn’t care about our egos or our dramas. It just is. God is. This is. Is-ness.
I love the sound of your awakeness. I hope when this lands in me in a gentle way I can get up and move around again and maybe call it being awake or maybe just being. It’s a beautiful journey,
Love, love, love…and more love to you. That is all. 🙂
I’m sorry something or someone made you doubt yourself and your work. I value you and your advice. I hope you only have the best of everything in your ventures.
I’m glad you are back!! Thanks to you and your wonderful blog I am wearing lots of food on my face and loving it. Thank you for making my reality a heathlier one!!
Betty, you saved me. I was tied to my couch two weeks ago and was feeling so low that I didn’t think that things could get better. As I sat alone with my teething two year old watching another passifying episode of Sesame Street on Amazon Prime (my friend, lifesaver, and enemy) I began surfing my phone for help and guidance. I stumbled upon your site and welcomed the opportunity your words gave me to escape from my reality. My reality is a blessing (though some may not see it that way), but it is overwhelming and I constantly worry that I am not doing enough for my children. So, what did you do for me? Well, you named some food items that were in my pantry and told me they could help me. So that day I got up washed my face with honey, took the no-poo challenge, and made my own deodorant. These three challenges helped me push aside gloom and doom and made me focus on something in the here and now that I can do to make a difference for the world, my family, and myself. Though my family is used to me dabbling in the crunchy arts, I had never made such drastic changes. Your words and ideas have brought novelty, simplicity, and purpose to my life these past two weeks and I am so thankful. Your craft is amazing and you give so much of yourself to us. Please know that you are loved and what you are doing, who you are, and why you are is inspiring-especially when you remind us that you are human. I have faith in you.
You are so right. It is an important work to step back and realize what is true, what is real and what we believe. Taking a break and a time to renew does not mean there is something wrong with you. Even with all of the judgement that you were feeling you still managed to give pictures of the amazing person you are and have made this the only blog email that I automatically click on because I know it is going to be directly from your heart. That is a beautiful thing and that is what you have created.
When I was a child I came up with this equation truth + perception = (your) reality
Isn’t it amazing that when I was so young and obviously brilliant this was crystal clear to me yet It took your posting to remind me that it is still true 20 odd years later… That a thousand other opinions and marketing ploys doesn’t make it less true… That I have my own reality and outside perceptions have nothing to do with it… That ultimately I will take a day off if I flippin feel like it and it doesn’t mean I gave up on my dreams, or stopped caring about the dreams of others, or am depressed, or a thousand other perceptions that people want to ascribe to MY reality. Thanks for your post! I am once again empowered to do what the *)#& I want to do 😉
You can edit my comment to take out the link to my sites if you need to. No worries!
I won’t be offended. 🙂
Thanks again!
Meee tooo! I had just signed up and u went on vacation! Great ur back! Ur awesome sharing what u do! And…………wow change I’m seeing all the all the time change sometimes not as fast as I’d like but I know from my own personal experience how change is always happening. I’ve learned a lot from calmdownmind.com I think we all could use a little more ppl like u! Thanks for another crunch! : )
Welcome back…you were missed. The ‘you’ that is simply ‘you’…even though I have no expectations of you I am always so impressed with who you are. Thank you.
A bit of my soul sharing…my ‘reality’ last year was that I could not find a job therefore everyone must know that I am worthless and have nothing of value to add to society. I tried everything to rid myself of those thoughts but I couldn’t therefore it was my ‘reality’. After 2 years I found a position and have regained the self-esteem I lost through being completely ignored by all Human Resources department. If I am ever in that position again I will work to maintain the ‘reality’ of my self-worth. Its a process…life is a process.
Your “Food For Your Soul” reflections are always so deeply insightful. I’m so appreciative that you shared your journey into “awakening” with us.
What if we all stopped trying so freaking hard to please each other, and were instead content to be ourselves, unashamed and unafraid, regardless of whether people choose to walk away from us? And what if, when someone begins to voice their reality that we KNOW is wrong and bad, and the urge to set them straight is so strong–what if we stopped correcting them in our heads and instead said, “Tell me why this matters to you? What has led you to this belief?”
I’ve been the victim and the aggressor. As the victim, for years I gave into the soul-sucking fear that I wasn’t good enough and believed all of the voices that reaffirmed it, until I eventually decided, “Eff all of those lies. Who cares how much people hurt me. The only place living in fear led me was into a black hole of terror. I’m not going to be afraid anymore.” Declaring that helped me begin to make incremental changes to regain my heart and mind. FREEDOM!!! It’s very sweet.
And as the aggressor, I’ve pushed my beliefs on people. I pushed really hard. I judged them and despised them when they didn’t change. (The Internet is a really easy place to hurt people–there’s so many people coming from so many backgrounds, each with a unique set of opinions.) And to my knowledge, not one person has ever changed because I was forceful with my reality. So I recently decided to quit that. Listening and asking questions is better because it changes ME instead of them. My whole being resists being non-judgmental because changing is painful, but you know what? My heart feels brighter when I decide to listen instead of proselytize. So I guess I’ll keep trying to do that, one conversation at a time. And hopefully, my “loving others” muscle will get stronger the more I exercise it.
I am SO happy you’re back, Betty 🙂 Your posts, whether I agree with them or not, ALWAYS get me thinking, and that’s what matters! 99.9% of the time I do agree with them, haha.
I just moved through a seriously reflective time (we’re talking 22 pages in a journal in one night, reflective…aye carumba), and finally feel that I’m back on track too.
Isn’t it a great feeling!? Welcome back 🙂
I found your blog and signed up for the emails just about the time you took your reality quest/hiatus. As a conservative Christian homeschooler, I may not be your usual reader. (but maybe the point is that there is no “usual” after all). But lately I’ve been craving natural everything. I believe in caring for the world that God gave to us and I want to do my part. And in seeking a more whole and natural lifestyle, I’m equally excited to rid our home and bodies of harmful chemicals, processing, etc.
I’ve been learning so much as I meander through your blog and am looking forward to all the possibilities. Thank you for sharing what you know and what you are learning!
I think we can all learn many things from one another, regardless of the differences in our beliefs and philosophies.
I’m sticking with you, Crunchy. We’re all in this together. I look forward to the journey. Yes, welcome back!
But dryer sheets are just so easy…
I have dryer bars! Even easier 🙂
I’m glad you took the time to work through your difficulties and that, in the end, you decided to come back to blogging. Sharing your vulnerabilities is a gift to your readers that can only have positive repercussions. Take care – I missed you and am so happy you are back.
I had a similar experience last year (that was actually when I started looking into alternative ways of doing things and happened upon your royal crunchiness ;-)…). I came to the conclusion that there will always be a**holes in the world who feel so bad about themselves that they have to take it out on other people because it somehow makes them feel better. I have decided to ignore those people and feel MUCH better for it. You do what you do and are good at (and believe me – you are good at blogging and writing – the vast majority of comments I have seen on your posts are VERY complementary of what you do and how you express it). You wouldn’t have 15k followers if that weren’t the case.
So, screw the rest and continue blogging for the best!
BTW – love the term “melt-up” cos that’s exactly what it is – we were in a bad place, but we got better, so much more positive than the terms meltdown or breakdown 🙂
I have so many times wanted to comment on this blog, and other blogs, and then chicken out. After I type my comment up, I re-read and edit and then just give up and erase it, for fear that you awesomely smart and eloquent bloggers will be totally unimpressed by my silly and poorly written comments, or stupid and obvious questions. Today I will not edit this comment! Because I want to comment, and I guess I’m willing to disappoint you, too.
Thanks for the great post. I can understand how hard it is to do what you do, to put yourself out there as much as you do. You have never disappointed me! I hope having one more positive comment will mean a little something to you – because you are making a difference. Your blog was my first exposure to the crunchy side of life. Now, because of YOU, there is one less household using commercial laundry detergent, cleansers, and deodorant, and one more person with food on her face!
Exactly! Well said! She has indeed made a difference, because now there are countless households out there (mine included) who are going crunchy, just because of her inspiring posts.
And then each of us make a difference when we spread the word…I have gotten my mother, sister, and boyfriend (who lives with me, so has little choice ;} ) to live a slightly more crunchy lifestyle.
Yes, yes, yes and Yes! Here’s to commenting without hesitation anymore. Awesome post Betty! So glad to have some food for my soul today 🙂
Amen! Editing, re-editing, fearing those ‘better commenters’… ugh and wow, I can relate to that. Well said. 🙂
Mmm, I feel like that a lot too. In fact, I think I’ll try not editing with my comment too… Hope y’all don’t mind. 🙂
about a month ago, i had a terrible epiphany that even when i walk down the street, i’m acting in response to others instead of myself and that i was in constant fear of the sort of judgment you were struggling with. i’d find myself wondering if the person i sat down next to on the bus was annoyed if i had done so, and twisting my body to inconvenience them in the smallest way manageable…i’ve been doing this for years and years, choice after choice, without realizing that in doing so i was twisting myself up into the biggest inconvenience to myself and my truth imaginable, and that because of years of behaving like this i had no idea if what i was doing was what i wanted to do anymore.
just last night, after four days of prepping for, sitting through, and walking the dog through a hurricane, i think i finally untangled the web enough to have an epiphany: to just stop. stop looking for a house, stop wondering if my job was exactly right, stop obsessing over what i am or am not eating, stop putting so much pressure on myself to be a perfect daughter/niece/granddaughter in a severely dysfunctional family, stop berating myself for not having a bevy of friends surrounding me at all times, just stop. my reaction to unhappiness has been change, always change. and so much good has come out of those changes – my husband and i are in a better financial place, we have a better place to live, so on and so forth – but as soon as one change or goal was achieved i’d barrel on the to next on the list, most recently house hunting, without allowing the changes we’d already achieved to settle and take shape.
how can i hunt for a house, i asked myself last night, when i’m not sure if i’m in the job that’s truly right for me and when some days i wake up and feel the urge to try a new adventure in a new city? i can’t, i replied to myself, i can’t do that until i know whether or not this job is truly the one for me, and i can only know that with….
time to reflect. that’s where my pledge to just STOP came from. stop and let myself have the time to sit in the reality i’m in and assess the heck out of it, good and bad, on my own schedule, enjoying doing or not doing something that i don’t feel up to doing just like you did over the past month. time for my husband to just stop too, and make sure that his change of career is one HE wants, too. we have a long wonderful marriage ahead of us, we’ve realized. we don’t need to fling ourselves into a house just because we’re finally monetarily able to do so. for me stopping is taking the pressure off, allowing oneself to breathe, allowing oneself to see without the clouded vision of a checklist of obligations right in front of one’s eyeballs. having goals is great…which is why taking a year just to be and take stock of my truths, my husband’s truths, and all the rest is my newest and most precious goal.
i may not even need a year. but i’m giving myself one, just because i love myself that much.
you are part of what is a huge transformation in my life, and it all started with your lavender rosemary hair rinse. i have enjoyed all of your posts, all of your tips, all of your challenges and questions and more. but i want you to know that if you stopped blogging tomorrow to become a mountaineer or whatever the heck you wanted to be next, that would not reverse one scrap of my transformation or threaten its strength in any way. you have through this community created a voice of all-natural choir members so loud that the message you helped to get rolling will always keep rolling, no matter what you do in the future. guide us as long as you want to guide us, share with us as long as you want to share, but when the winds call you in another direction don’t worry, we’ll be okay!
much love!
I love you and I’m so glad you’re back!
I am in a lesbian in a long term committed relationship and we have children…aaaaand we live in North Dakota. Albeit not a southern state, but red none-the-less. My partner and I encounter criticism and judgement every. single. day. Sometimes it’s in whispered voices. Sometimes it’s glances that turn into stares. Sometimes it’s both! Coming to our own reality and focusing on what matters to us (our family) has been a constant road – bumpy and full of twists and turns. But we are we – and we can’t be anyone but us. Defining our relationship based off of what we see around us in the media, in our community, in other people’s eyes…isn’t reality – it’s pretending to be something we are not. Truth in our case has been tough – being truthful to ourselves, being truthful to others…has been a process. But we are strong women who will endure. Thank you so much for posting your vulnerable side…your truth. We all have it – we all need to embrace it. It makes us human – and that is a beautiful thing.
so glad you kept it real inside, and real for your readers. so much life to live from this place. thank you for being just who you are, it is an inspiration.
This post spoke to me very deeply and I thank you for being honest and vulnerable and so very crunchy by being yourself, just as you are, in this moment and all the moments that follow. I used to have a blog about two years ago that I had kept for over ten years when I suddenly realized that I wasn’t expressing from my personal truth…I was worried about the language that I used or that no one liked what I wrote because I didn’t receive any glorious comments. I deleted the blog when I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t writing for me or for fun any longer. I applaud your journey into truth and look forward to many crunchy posts forged from a place of beautiful, authentic you!
I do think that with the advent of the internet, people nowadays are a LOT more mean and gutsy because of the anonymity of posting something and not seeing that person face-to-face. I think 98% of those people would NOT criticize or bug you about causes if they had to do it to your face! So it wouldn’t be wrong of you to look at any comment that was negative and say “Say that to my face, Buck-O!”
I LOVE your blog! I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and face criticism. Those who are quick to judge probably can’t do what you’re doing anyway.
I completely understand what you’re saying in your blog! Everyone’s reality is their own, based on their own experiences. And if it isn’t true for you, it ISN’T TRUE. You’ve stumbled on some basic Scientology principles there. (If you’d really like to experience being made fun of, try being a Scientologist!)
I think your blog is one of the BEST out there! You have personality, style, guts and you’re really helping people. You’ve really helped me a lot!
So I’m glad you’re back, and I’m sending you virtual hugs!
I like this deeper side of Crunchy Betty. 🙂
I can relate to you even more now!
You’re awesome! Do whatcha do girl, cuz you do it well!
Welcome back.
I have to say, this is just the type of medicine I need right now in my life, so thank you. My personal chasm starts with my parenting, and it’s a slippery slope downwards into all variety of unkindness, mostly heaped onto me by…ME.
And it hurts, it hurts all of us.
So I am grateful for a little action step, a step away from all the judgement and over-thinking.
Be well, and be you ;-).
Stop trying to please everyone, it will only drive you crazy. Agree to disagree and ignore those that want to fight about everything. Keep posting as long as it makes you happy.
Love love love this post, Betty! Glad to have you back. You’ve inspired us to ignore the haters–you can’t make everyone happy, especially when you’re blogging about DIY, natural, green stuff. Keep on trucking from your fans at Hipsteaders.com!
Betty, thank you, thank you, and thank you. It’s good to know that, in addition to bringing the crunchy world all sorts of awesome ideas and templates for experimentation, you are still only human. 🙂 I, too, had a reality check over the summer. It came in the form of a real, honest-to-goodness, scare the crap out of my family break down. It scared me, too. And yet, I’m still alive and in a much better place now. I have come to accept my reality, as much as I fight it, cause you can’t bring people back and you can’t live in the past. Say what?! Says who? Says me. And about a million other people. So, thank you. I appreciate your honesty and everything else you do. My husband doesn’t, but that’s ok. He drinks the koolaid.
I’m glad you came back because I love you! And your blog! And Marsha had a fabulous idea, and I will now go put coffee grounds all over my face. And it is all your fault. And Marsha’s.
(In a less pre-coffee style, I mean that you have been a great inspiration to me, and I’ve learned a lot from your blog, and gone on to seek out other good stuff. Even when I don’t completely agree with you, I enjoy reading what you have to say because then I think about it. So thank you for everything. Welcome back!)
I often believe that the fates will often intervene when someone needs to hear the right words at the right time.
This post was those words.
Thanks, Betty. I so needed this.
Good for you, Keepin’ it REAL, Crunchy Betty! Glad to have you back, and hoping you have melted-up into something more awesome! Just think: Back Now with More Crunch! 😉
You rock!
I love this post. I have always been a pleaser and for most of my life I would think through everything I did to make sure I wouldn’t be hurting someone else or letting them down. Then I eventually came to realize that I was incredibly unhappy. I had been letting my fears of everyone else rule my life. If I did/said something that I thought might have been offensive, I would hang onto that moment, sometimes for a month or more, before I saw the person again and I would apologize (insane, or what?!?). And it isn’t like I would purposely do/say something to offend the other person. It could have been a sentence/word that didn’t come across the way that I meant it to. It was more often, than not, something small. My husband thought I was nuts… he had never felt like that and couldn’t understand it. However, over time (it didn’t happen over night), I was able to change my attitude and everything else changed with it. Don’t get me wrong, I still have those thoughts, but I try my best to no longer think about them. People are going to react however they are going to react and I can’t do anything to stop it. I can only do my best to be who I am and do what I can to be true to myself. I had to face the reality that I will never be able to please everyone. But I did find that those who knew me well enough (those that mattered the most), didn’t really care. This has taken a great deal of weight off my shoulders and I am so happy that you found that peace. I would bet that the majority of people in this world go through the same thing in one instance or another. It is awesome that you are willing to put yourself out there and relate to them.
Good for you, Crunchy Betty. Keep it real. 🙂
You’re so right. In some ways, experience is a lot like driving a car. You can read books about it, talk to people who have done it, and watch movies about it. BUT….until you get behind the wheel and get out there, you really don’t have a clue. Being wrong, for me, is just another opportunity to learn something. Being wrong….it’s alright, really. What’s the worst that can happen? I, at one time, was SO EAGER to please everyone. Everyone. My parents, brother, friends, even people I didn’t know. Then, one day, completely out of nowhere, I realized I was consistently miserable on the inside, and I was living my life for other people, and not for myself. I decided to just sort of stop doing that. I started doing what I wanted. The people that truly loved me stayed around, and continued to love me for me. It was an amazing time, and it was only able to happen because I had some time to myself, to do things FOR myself. I’m so glad you were able to take the break you needed. You’re out here on the internet for everyone to enjoy, and that has to be hard sometimes. What to share, and not to share, with us has to be a difficult decision sometimes. BTW…She does have big eyes, doesn’t she? But they’re a pretty color, and I love her hair. I wonder if Zooey is no-poo?? I need another cup of coffee. Then, I will save the coffee grounds to put in a scrub. My coffee scrub later today will be ALL YOUR FAULT, because if it wasn’t for your blog, I would be putting them in the compost pile. So, thanks for that. And for reading my overly-wordy novel. 🙂
so you’ve been gone almost since i discovered the blog, and i’ve been digging through your posts with great joy. i’m so glad you’re back and feeling lighter:) i could not understand why everyone was talking about coffee grounds (though i do have 2 jars now steeping with hazelnut oil, one rough ground and the other espresso grind, which i think will make a stronger oil and i have been thinking about making a scrub with those when i finally decant them to make nutty butt butter. i do love that name and boy o boy is my partner excited for them to be ready to rub). so now i found the mocha mask and i’ll go try that first thing! i did a nutmeg milk scrub the other day which helped soften and clear my skin beautifully, and made a delicious banana chocolate mess on my hair the other day thanks to you and i’m sending you love and thanks. believe in your awesomeness. it is so there!
Missed you so much. Thank you for being back.