Test: How Hip Are You to the Crunchy Lingo?

OMG, the internet world is full of abbreviations for everything these days. FWIW, even I still get confused sometimes. It’s a PITA, I won’t lie.

The world of crunchiness is no different – we’re always tossing around abbreviations and uncommon terms for things, and it’s a bit confusing for the newly crunchy.

To this day, I still get emails and comments all the time asking for a definition of our “inside speak,” so here’s a little test to see where you rank in the knowledge of crunchy words and abbrevs.

Think of it as the equivalent to a Cosmo quiz asking you what your knowledge on certain, uh, positions is. Only this isn’t kinky (mostly), it’s not going to reveal your secret inner sex kitten abilities (probably), and I’m totally not going to label you as silly stereotypes based on your abilities (wrong! I totally am).

Ready to find out how savvy you are with Crunchy Talk?

Are You a Crunchy Linguist?

1. The acronym OCM stands for what?

a. Overly Cautious Marshmallows
b. Oil Cleansing Method
c. Oil Cashing Machine
d. Oleoleic Castorana Methylation

The answer is: b) Oil Cleansing Method, which is a way to wash your face strictly with oils like castor and jojoba. If you check out the comments on the Oil Cleansing Method post, you’ll find that it’s helped women with every single type of skin, including acneic. Yay!

Did you know? The least effective oil to use for the oil cleansing method seems to be extra-virgin olive oil? If you’ve tried OCM before with olive oil and have had iffy results, try using an oil like jojoba, grapeseed, or sesame.

2. Aside from the obvious, what might BS mean in relationship to crunchiness?

a. Basting Steaks
b. Burned Sage
c. Baking Soda
d. Big Stuff, Mr.

The answer is: c) Baking soda. There are a million different crunchy things you can (and should) do with baking soda: like make your own deodorant or clean and unclog your drains.

Did you know? You can use baking soda, straight, as a veggie cleaner instead of buying that crazy-expensive wash? Just sprinkle a little bit of baking soda onto the skin of your fruits and vegetables, rub it around gently and then wash it off.

3. If a friend told you she was no ‘poo, should you:

a. Offer her a bran muffin
b. Close your ears and yell “lalalalalalala!” really loudly until she stopped being embarrassing
c. Ask her if she was washing her hair with BS or an alternative
d. Tell her about that time in Mexico when you drank the water while eating five burritos, just to make her feel more comfortable

The answer is: c) Ask her if she’s washing her hair with BS. Which is (tada!) baking soda. No ‘poo is a cult classic (and rediscovered fascination) in the natural haircare world. Instead of washing your hair with shampoo and conditioner, you find completely natural ways to do it: Mainly with baking soda and apple cider vinegar. (Though most of you know this already!)

Did you know? It’s completely possible to do a coconut oil (or other oil) hair treatment while you’re not using shampoo. Just wash your hair a time or two with sorta ‘poo or – as Rebecca in the Crunchy Community just found out, use a mixture of castile soap and baking soda to wash it out. As a bonus, that’s also what she uses to clean her bathtub with. Natch!

4. Your husband comes home from work with a forlorn look on his face and says, “The coworker I drew for Secret Santa asked for an EO … what is that?” You:

a. March around singing, “Ohhh eee oooh, YOHHHH!” and tell him she wants Wizard of Oz paraphernalia
b. Suggest that he burn a copy of Jungle Love (oh ee oh ee oh) by the Time on a CD for her
c. Patiently explain to him that EO is just another way of saying, “Extraterrestrial Occupation” and that she probably just forgot to take her antipsychotic medication
d. Ask him if he thinks she prefers the smell of rose or vanilla, because what she wants is an essential oil

The answer is: d) Of course, EO stands for essential oil. Here’s a super in-depth blog post explaining what essential oils are, and what you should and shouldn’t do with them.

Did you know? Essential oils and fragrance oils are completely different things. Don’t be confused by the small price tag on fragrance oils (or the sometimes hokey scents like raspberry creme or cinnamon roll). Fragrance oils are synthetic, and should be avoided as much as humanly possible.

5. You just bought VCO, after months of debating whether it was worth it or not. What did you buy?

a. Virgin calamine ointment
b. Virgin coconut oil
c. Variegated cardboard origami
d. Vigorous calisthenic outfits

The answer is: b) Virgin coconut oil. In fact, virgin coconut oil is what you should always strive to buy. If it’s not virgin, it’s likely expressed using high heat or other methods that damage the healthful properties of the coconut oil. So from now on, when you see someone mention VCO in a comment (or even in real life), there’s no need to worry if you have the right clothing for the job.

Did you know? Coconut oil can be used for a million(ish) things you’d never even dreamed of, but that you should be careful when putting it on your face. It’s highly comedogenic, meaning it can clog pores, and even though it has potent antibacterial properties, it may still lead to breakouts.

6. ACV. Quick. What does that stand for?

a. Activated charcoal variance
b. Apple cider vinegar
c. Achieve crunchy verisimilitude
d. Apples cannot vocalize

The answer is: b) Apple cider vinegar. You’ll find a plethora of references to ACV throughout Crunchy  Betty (and all the awesome natural living websites). It’s become second nature now, for me, to just call it ACV. When you say it all the time, it’s so much less time consuming (like Rachel Ray and her EVOO). Apple cider vinegar differs from regular (or white) vinegar in a variety of ways, the most important being its pH value. It’s safer for the inside of your stomach, and more gentle on your skin than white vinegar.

Did you know? Hippocrates (the father of Western medicine) used apple cider vinegar to cure and treat patients on a regular basis. To this day, many folk medicine practitioners believe that a combination of apple cider vinegar and honey can cure most of anything that ails you.

7. You bought vanilla beans to make an extract and dandelion root to make a tincture. What’s the only other ingredient you need for both of these things?

a. Extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)
b. High-proof, high-quality alcohol (like vodka)
c. Distilled water
d. An herbalist to make sense of it all for you

The answer is b) High-proof, high-quality alcohol. Extracts and tinctures are made by soaking dried herbs (or things like vanilla) in alcohol for several weeks. Typically, extracts are used for flavoring foods and tinctures are used to get the medicinal properties out of the plants and into your body quickly and safely.

Did you know? The only difference between extracts/tinctures, infusions, and tea is the medium in which you soak the herbs/flowers/leaves. An extract uses alcohol, infusions use oil, and tea uses … well. You know how to make tea.

8. Extra Credit. In the graphic at the top of this page, what does HFW stand for?

a. High fructose warnings
b. Hair falling westward
c. Holy frack, Watman
d. Huge freaking what?

The answer is: I have no idea. Seriously. Tell me what this could possibly stand for. I made the graphic (and the plans for this post) two months ago, and I remember when I wrote HFW, I thought we could create a new widely used abbreviation for something. I just don’t, for the life of me, remember what HFW stands for. So your extra credit is, in the comments, tell me what you think I was thinking when I wrote that. Because I feel really, really old and suffering from memory loss right now. Thank you.

How Did You Do?

As promised, here is the goofy stereotype you fit into based on your number of correct answers.

If you got 7 out of 7 correct: You are a Juicy Durian. In fact, if you got 7 out of 7 right, you probably even know what a durian is. It’s a fruit. Not JUST a fruit, but THE KING OF THE FRUITS. Thus, you are the king of the crunchy domain. Your final goal in life is to procure a durian and put it on your face. Making you the crunchy king of the king of the fruits. This is amazing.

If you got 4-6 correct: You are a Crunchy Spider Monkey. Not only do you likely have really long arms, but you’re curious and busy, always learning about new ways to incorporate the natural world into your life. You’ll put just about anything on your face, but really, people, stop throwing your poop. Congratulations! This is an admirable score, and it qualifies you to throw around abbreviations like … well … poop. So go have fun, you crazy monkeys!

If you got 1-3 correct: You are a Spoon. Why are you a spoon? I have no idea. That’s just what you are. No one really explained it to me. It might have something to do with the small, but steady, bites you’re taking in the crunchy direction. If you’re concerned about being a spoon, don’t worry. You can always retake the test again (RIGHT NOW) and you’ll be a durian. And then you can eat a durian with a spoon, and it’ll be so very meta.

If you got 0 correct: Seriously? Do I even have to label you? You are a Yoga Pant Leg. That’s right. Not even an entire pair of pants. Just the leg. Go back and take the test again. I won’t give you any more encouragement until you do.

If you took the extra credit question (number 8 ) and finished it in the comments: You win the internet.

(Seriously. What does HFW stand for?)