Let’s start the week off on a self-loving note! Today, we are SO blessed to have a body-image altering guest post from Melissa King, who blogs at Simply Flaw-Thentic and is a wellness coach at MyHeartDances.
This is joyful Melissa. There’s no way you can’t look at her huge smile and give a giant grin right back.
She’s also the mastermind and creator of the video My Body … Finally (which also happens to be THE most shared video ever from the Crunchy Betty Facebook page). After you’ve nourished your heart/brain/body with the post, be sure to watch the video at the end of the post. After watching her video, I begged her to write a guest post for Crunchy Betty. I think you’ll see why in a minute … (THANK YOU SO MUCH, Melissa!)
Wanna Love Your Body? Start With Loving Mine
As a life and wellness coach who works with women to improve self-esteem and body image, some people wonder how I became comfortable with my body. Did it come naturally or did I have to work at it?
Wait. I’m comfortable with my body!? Who said?
No, I am not totally comfortable with my body, but I work at it.
As women in this society, I’m not sure that it’s possible to reach a place where we are completely unaffected by social expectations of beauty or completely free of comparing ourselves to other women and images we see in the media.
And as we endeavor to navigate to a place of greater comfort with our bodies, sometimes it’s difficult to figure out where the line is drawn between a healthy desire to care for our appearance and the point at which that desire disables or disempowers us.
I mean, I LIKE to feel pretty. I do. I suspect I’m not going out on a limb to say you probably do to.
I don’t want to give that up.
Is that a terrible thing? I don’t think so.
It’s probably not surprising that research shows that positive feelings about one’s appearance predict well-being.
But, as women, society keeps asking us to evaluate and question our appearance, and this makes it difficult to have positive feelings about how we look. We are asked to think about whether our complexion is clear and even toned, whether our eye lashes are dark, thick, and long enough, if our lips are plump enough, if our hair has the right amount of body or is vibrant in color. We are asked to consider whether we are an attractive size and if our shape has the right proportions. We are asked to evaluate how plump our breasts are, how flat our stomach is, how wide our hips are, and whether the cellulite on our thighs is noticeable.
And we are asked to fix or improve these things even if it is uncomfortable, painful, or detrimental to our health.
I wonder… If we weren’t constantly being sold appearance improvements, would we still pick apart our bodies and determine that these parts are not good enough?
I don’t want to let advertisers influence how I feel about myself anymore. I’m tired of being distracted from enjoying all the ways in which my body experiences life, focusing instead on whether my looks are good enough for me to be worth having any experiences at all.
Do you know what I mean?
So what’s a girl to do? How do we love ourselves in a ambiguously hostile environment such as this?
If you’re reading this blog, there must be something in you that believes in your worth. You’re worth the time to read something that inspires you and makes you feel good, worth the effort to care for yourself, worth the extra energy to use natural products that nourish your skin and are even made by you!
By the way, did you know that research shows that women who spend more time in nature have higher self-esteem? I wonder if immersing yourself in making products out of nature works too? Hmmm…
Ok, so what about some specific things women can do to change the way they feel about their bodies? Overtime I have noticed that there are a few things that seem to make a particularly big difference for my clients (and for myself).
1. Daily physical activity that gets your heart rate up.
I know you’ve heard this before, but I’m listing it here because of how much I’ve seen it work. If you do nothing else on this list, do this one because it will make the most difference in how you feel about yourself.
There are a lot of studies out there that show the benefits of exercise for our mind. Women who exercise regularly feel better about their bodies even if they haven’t lost weight! Physical activity is a way to de-stress, take some time for ourselves, actively value our health, improve energy levels, and reduce symptoms of depression.
How much does it take? I think it’s important to do some form of physical activity everyday. And the important thing is to GET YOUR HEART RATE UP. Walking is a great option and is the exercise that people are most likely to stick to for the long-term. But make it brisk.
Bottom line. Exercise makes you stronger and is empowering!
2. Commit to changing your negative thoughts about other women’s bodies.
We criticize women for being fat. We criticize women for being thin. And women in the middle get every body part scrutinized. How can anyone win?
When we think this way about other women’s bodies, what are we saying about our own bodies?
When negative thoughts about another woman’s appearance pop into your mind, be conscious of them. Ask yourself why this particular thought is standing out to you. Ask yourself if the thought is fair.
If you focus on changing the way you think about other women’s bodies, you will change the way you think about your own.
3. Stop speaking negatively about your own body.
So easy, right?
Women are socialized to talk negatively about their bodies when they’re together. This is one way that women bond. We come together and talk about how fat we are and the next diet we are going to start. We talk about how we hate the pooch of our bellies and the cellulite on our thighs.
Kinda crazy, right? Just think of all the other ways we could be spending that time!
Find another women (or a group of women) and agree that whenever you’re together not one of you will speak negatively about her personal appearance. Commit to this for 30 days. Use the time to share things that you like about your bodies and what you like about yourselves.
It can feel slightly awkward to speak positively about our bodies. But when we do this activity in my women’s groups, we all get inspired.
How wonderful it is to hear our friends finally saying things they like about themselves!
Changing our thoughts and our talk can change how we feel.
4. Normalize normal bodies.
Start paying attention to the bodies that surround you. Don’t judge, just look. How are they shaped? Are there people you find beautiful who do not have a body that looks like it came out of a magazine? Do you see others of various shapes, sizes, and looks who are enjoying being in love, passionate about their work, or indulging in a hobby?
Women I find beautiful have wide hips, skinny hips, big butts, small butts, tiny breasts, huge breasts, pimples, and bad hair days.
Add your observations to your discussions in #3. Having conversations with other women about women’s bodies in an objective and positive atmosphere can do great things for our own body image.
Taking care of our bodies through physical activity and joining other women in changing how we think and talk about other bodies makes a big difference.
When I feel solidarity with other women, I can’t help but feel more feminine… and prettier.
Hey, you know what? Right now I am feeling pretty comfortable with my body. I wonder what it is that’s going to take this feeling away — a picture in a magazine, an unintentionally hurtful comment, seeing a women I consider more attractive than me? Seems kind of silly that any of those little things can take away, even for a moment, something so important. Don’t you think?
5. Watch the My Body … Finally Video
From Melissa’s video page on her site (I encourage you to read the whole thing – the background, the thoughts behind it, the women she chose), she says:
“Struggles with body image affect women of all shapes and sizes. Body consciousness is not just about weight and shape, but it includes skin color, skin tone, hair, eyes, etc. It is made up of all the things so many of us worry about and try to hide or perfect before we walk out the door (or decide which pictures of ourselves we’ll permit others to see).”
But this video, a real look at real women, stands to relieve those struggles by showing us that we are, in fact, all in this together, and many of us have the same silly fears or criticisms that keep us from enjoying life to its fullest.
At the end of the video page, Melissa says this: “We need you. We need each other. The more women who risk being confident in front of the world just as they are helps everyone.”
Truer words have never been spoken. Now, watch the video. You’ll thank Melissa later.
Melissa King is a Life and Wellness Coach in New York City. She offers private coaching, women’s groups, weight loss groups, workshops, organic cooking classes, and publications geared towards inspiring women to honor their personal needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. www.myheartdances.com
Natural Ingredients: Sometimes Things Just Stink
These are truly great ideas in about blogging. You have touched some
good factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.
Melissa is a ugly dog
One thing I would like to add around the exercise bit (which i WHOLEHEARTEDLY support) is to lift heavy things. Women are afraid of doing weights (even body weight exercises like pushups and squats) because they think they will get too big. Nothing could be further from the truth!!! We simply don’t have the biology to support that notion (unless you are a pro body builder with very specific diet and maybe even some testosterone shots!).
I started being a little more serious about including weights in my exercise through crossfit like routines. These are short (10-20min) so you don’t have to spend forever in a gym and can do many, if not all, at home if you like.
I have been healthy and fit almost my whole life, but there is nothing compared to feeling physically strong. I can’t tell you how it’s changed me! Makes me feel more capable as an individual in all aspects. It has boosted my confidence even more than strict cardio workouts, improved posture, bettered all my other activities (stronger swimmer and runner!).
And let me tell ya, you can get your heart rate up in a jiffy by doing a 10min workout of the day!!
One thing I would like to add around the exercise bit (which i WHOLEHEARTEDLY support) is to lift heavy things. Women are afraid of doing weights (even body weight exercises like pushups and squats) because they think they will get too big. Nothing could be further from the truth!!! We simply don’t have the biology to support that notion (unless you are a pro body builder with very specific diet and maybe even some testosterone shots!).
I started being a little more serious about including weights in my exercise through crossfit like routines. These are short (10-20min) so you don’t have to spend forever in a gym and can do many, if not all, at home if you like.
I have been healthy and fit almost my whole life, but there is nothing compared to feeling physically strong. I can’t tell you how it’s changed me! Makes me feel more capable as an individual in all aspects. It has boosted my confidence even more than strict cardio workouts, improved posture, bettered all my other activities (stronger swimmer and runner!).
And let me tell ya, you can get your heart rate up in a jiffy by doing a 10min workout of the day!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUOpqd0rQSo&feature=player_embedded
This is a great video about a news anchor that was sent a nasty email about her weight. She attempted to laugh it off, but the support of her husband and hundreds of viewers and citizens inspired her to stand up and fight back on air. Truly inspiring!
My thanks goes to [email protected] for helping me to get back my lost love thank you [email protected] may your days be long so that you can continue your good work,i am so proud i could talk to my lover boldly.
I love this article. I’ve uncomfortable with my looks for a while, but this inspires me to see myself in a new light. Thank you, so much. 🙂
I haven’t watched the video yet, but I wanted to point toward a resource for normalizing fat bodies. http://www.adipositivity.com/ (almost always NSFW)
From the Adipositivity Project:
Adipose: Of or relating to fat.
Positivity: Characterized by or displaying acceptance or affirmation
MISSION:
The Adipositivity Project aims to promote size acceptance,
not by listing the merits of big people, or detailing examples of
excellence (these things are easily seen all around us), but rather,
through a visual display of fat physicality. The sort that’s normally
unseen.
The hope is to widen definitions of physical beauty. Literally…..
I was never happy with my body. After having 6 children it is a hard reality that you will never see the body that you once had and now wish you had again. Learning to accept what I see in the mirror and take ownership of it is a daily challenge. I mostly envision myself the way I’d like to look and so when I do see the form that is me it throws me a bit. I sort of live in a skewed reality of what I look like. And I’m happy with that. Mostly I think my altered realty is created by my husband. He tells me daily that I am beautiful. I recently lost 20 lbs. I love fitting in smaller clothes but really they are just hiding the stretched out belly fat that is me.
I LOVED the video! And this post is a wonderful follow-up 🙂 how we perceive ourselves effects how we see everyone and everything else in the world. So if we love and accept ourselves, with all of our quirks and beautiful “flaws”, then we will love and accept those around us, too! 🙂
I love this video…it fits so well with where I am in this moment of my life. I’ve been drinking green smoothies for 3 weeks, using the facial wash regimen in your oily skin book, and today was my first day of no ‘poo. My boyfriend has been giving me so many compliments on how smooth my face is (he’s the type that’s only had one pimple in his life and his face is always super smooth) that I have not worn make-up in three days! This is the biggest accomplishment for me because I have always been a hardcore make-up user. Thank you so much for your blog, it has been the greatest thing to come into my life since my boyfriend, lol.
i can so relate on not wearing makeup being a big accomplishment. i’ve been going without too after wearing it since i was 13, hardcore as well lol. it’s crazy even thinking i could! it’s a great feeling 🙂
What an amazing video…I hope these women know how truly awesome they are for doing this. It really makes you think more about how you are to others, and especially how you are to your own self. I criticize the mess out of myself even though I know it doesn’t help…I should really try harder to stop that and to appreciate myself for how I am. I get A LOT of comments on how petite I am..people think it doesn’t hurt because they are saying I’m really thin…but when you tell someone, “Hey, do you even eat?, or Watch out, the wind is going to blow you away”…etc…the list goes on…it DOES hurt…We can be so hard on ourselves without the help of anyone else, the media or airbrushed images. It takes a lot for a lot of us to accept how we are…but, the benefits of trying and succeeding that are obviously well worth it! I too thought the women in the video looked beautiful, and their self image was inspiring..They looked content with theirselves and that’s a beautiful thing. Thanks for the post and video!
I totally relate to your comments about people saying how thin you are and that you need to eat more, my response to them all is, “Hey, I eat heaps! I always have.” I also get told, “Oh, you’re really tall, you must love it.” I admit, it’s great being able to reach the top shelf without the need for a step ladder, but it’s an absolute pain trying to find any clothes that are long enough, even shoes and gloves (I go for the fingerless vairety)!
We’re all made differently and that’s how it should be. We women are all alike in that, and therefore each one of us is totally unique and all the more beautiful for it!
Thanks for the really great video!
I loved the video the first time around (and again)!!! I also love these action items and the concepts behind them. Thank you!
I am brainstorming ways to introduce these thoughts/actions/ideas with pre-adolescent girls. My friend and I just started a new Girl Scout troop with 6th grade girls (ages 10-11 right now, but soon 11-12) . Any ideas on how to bring this concept to them in “kid-friendly” ways???
Hi Karin! I love that you just started a new Girl Scout group. Girls Scouts did so much for my self-esteem when I was growing up. I have some ideas to share with you about incorporating the issue of body image into your activites with your members. I’m out of my office until Friday and typing on my phone at the moment, so check back here this weekend and I’ll post some more thoughts to your comment (when I can type much more quickly!).
Melissa
Hi Karin,
I am a little late returning here, but I wanted to take a little time to look at some research before posting.
First, I want to say that a girl’s participation in Girl Scouts is already putting her in a good position. Girl Scouts provides opportunities to really connect with other girls in healthy ways, to experience achievement, to become connected with the experience and function of their bodies, and to become aware of one’s strengths.
When I read your message, my first thought was to create activities that increase media literacy. By that, I mean, to have conversations that examine the messages that are being presented to these girls in TV, movies, and magazines. Talk about the intent behind the message (in advertising, characters in TV/Film), whether the messages are realistic, the possible consequences in real life vs. on TV. Teach them to ask questions and critically examine these messages.
Have you seen the documentary Miss Representation (http://www.missrepresentation.org/)? This might be something you could show to the girls and then do an activity where they bring in a favorite movie or a magazine… And then talk about the way women are portrayed…
I think it was Miss Representation where I heard this, but one mom talks to her daughter about these things when they’re watching television… asking things like, “Isn’t it strange that she’s in a tight leather body suit with heels while she’s fighting off bad guys?”
That said, I read some research that shows that the Girls’ Circle curriculum improves social support, body image, and self-efficacy in girls who complete the program. You can find out how to facilitate the program and purchase manuals here: http://www.girlscircle.com
I hope this is helpful. Stay in touch. I’d love to hear about any activities you decide to use!
Melissa
http://www.myheartdances.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for this. As a short, fat, forty nine year old woman I am starting to come to terms with my body and how wonderful it is (even though it is not some mythical ideal). Sometimes I forget to appreciate it.
I love this!
This video is great–I’m so impressed by the women who agreed to do this project. I’m writing a book on the history of swimsuits and body image and what amazes me is that, in the past–especially the 1920s–larger-framed women were seen as role models and heroes. But sadly they’ve been completely forgotten by history. As others commented, all of these women looked fine–probably because they are confident and healthy–and real. Thanks for sharing this.
Great video, I like how so many body types are shown in the project. I think most of us are unhappy how we look in a bathing suit. I thought all of those women looked just fine – a good lesson.
This is something that women need to hear. With all the attacks against women there are on a daily basis it is great to get something so fully supportive. I plan on doing these exercises for myself and others. Thank You!
Fabulous.
Thank you.
What a great post, and something I really needed today. Thanks SO MUCH!!